Articles

Yes, There Is A Mullet Festival And It’s Everything You Hoped For

By Psquared - June 26, 2019
Credits: http://imgur.com

Picking out the right hairstyle is no easy feat. It can take years to settle into the fashion that’s right for you not only aesthetically, but one that also fits your personality. Once you’ve found it, it can be hard to let it go. Sometimes, fashion choices change, and the hairstyle you love so dearly and took so long to painstakingly choose becomes considered out of date. One such haircut is the mullet, aka “hockey hair,” “ape drape,” “Kentucky waterfall,” “neck warmer” and of course “achey-breaky hair.”

This type of hair was all the rage back in the ’80s. Everyone was sporting their business up front while having a party in the back. But the years haven’t been kind to the mullet. They’re now considered relics of the past and something to make fun of. That is… in most places in the world. But in one magical location, the mullet is still all the rage and is actually celebrated in glorious fashion…

Mullet Fest

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Many residents of Kurri Kurri in Australia believe the mullet originated in their town.

This is not true in the slightest. But why let some misinformation get in the way of glory, and glory did indeed result from this misconception.

Mullet Fest was held in the Chelmsford Hotel, about 45 minutes west of Newcastle. Contestants came from who knows where to compete in categories such as Junior Mullet, Ladies’ Mullet, Ranger Mullet, Everyday Mullet, Grubby Mullet, and Best Mullet of Them All.

Chelmsford Hotel

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Chelmsford Hotel seems very unassuming, doesn’t it? It seems like the type of place you’d pass a million times and never dream of seeing anything ludicrous taking place in it.

But on this one magical day, at this one magical spot, the most glorious and ridiculous of events was housed in this innocuous locale.

It makes sense, and it’s very appropriate. After all, this place is all business up front, but in the back… the party was just about to begin.

The Competition

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Mullet Fest wasn’t just a gathering of mullet enthusiasts from around the country to celebrate this particular hairstyle.

This was a competition. Those categories weren’t just silly participation awards that were given out at random. This hair affair was serious business.

From left to right in this photo are Dan “The Mullet Lord” Brown, a guy named Brett and local MP Meryl Swanson. These three acted as judges in the competition. And since it was a competition, that means something was at stake…

The Trophies

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This event received sponsorship from every single booze company in the nation. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

If you’re rocking a mullet in this day and age, then odds are pretty good you’re also a fan of alcoholic beverages.

With backing such as this, pride was on the line. But beside pride were also trophies. The winners in each category were able to walk away with these keepsakes and bragging right for life. Let’s meet some of these winners, shall we?

The Winner

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This is Shane “Shag” Hanrahan. He seems pretty excited, doesn’t he? Well, wouldn’t you be if you were as big a winner as him?

Shag here took home Best Mullet of Them All. That means of all the categories and all the participants, he was declared to have the alpha mullet. Good for him.

Other winners included Alex Keary of Mona Vale, NSW who won the trophy for Junior Mullet. And cutest of all, a local 11 month-old, Sylvie Thornton, took home Ladies’ Mullet.

Cougar

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This here is Cougar. We’re calling him that because when asked for his information, the only name he volunteered was “Cougar.”

Seems strange, but if you asked us to guess what this dude calls himself, our first, second and third guesses would be “Cougar,” “Cougar” or “Cougar.”

He took home the trophy for “Best Ranger Mullet.” If you want to know what a ranger mullet is, well… it’s that. When asked to comment on this hair, Cougar said, “A mullet is a lifestyle, not a haircut.”

Oscar

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There were a ton of interesting individuals at this festival, and we can’t wait to introduce you to some of the more colorful ones.

This here is Oscar. He’s had his mullet for two years. When asked “Why a mullet?,” he responded, “Mullets get b****es.”

Well, when you talk about ladies like that, we certainly hope they do, because it doesn’t sound like he’d get them with that vocabulary. He does have a great mullet… that mustache, though? Won’t nab you any b****es, Oscar.

Zacralph

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Here we have Zacralph. “Zacralph” is a combination of two different names, so why not get yourself a combination of two different haircuts?

He’s sporting the baby between a mohawk and a mullet. A “mullethawk,” if you will.

And this is a baby… his baby, for the past two years. He said he chose this hairstyle (sorry, Cougar… lifestyle) two years ago because, “It’s just what real men have. My missus likes it and won’t marry me if I cut it.”

Mick

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Some folks have had their mullets longer than others. Like Mick here, who’s been sporting his for seven years.

He says he likes his mullet for economic reasons, explaining, “It’s cheaper. I pay half price for a haircut. Times are tough.”

That kind of makes all the sense in the world, doesn’t it? When you see someone with hair like this, you might think of them as trashy, but the truth is, their thrifty. This is the official head dressing of a savvy spender.

Josiah

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It isn’t just the old that are rocking this do from a bygone era. The younger generation are also getting in on the fun.

Josiah is only 14 years old, but he’s had his mullet for two years already. Why?

Josiah said, “I have a mullet because… why not?” To be fair, that is a great answer. It’s very philosophical and existential. Life is short, so why waste time pretending to be something or someone you’re not? Be your best self, kid.

Brian

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Mullets aren’t something that you have to have your entire life. You can come to it at any age you choose.

Brian here looks like he’s already lived a lot of life, and he’s had his mullet for only two years. And in that short amount of time, it’s already become a part of who he is.

“I feel naked without it,” he says. Well, technically the back of his neck is literally naked without it, so this is also a haircut of modesty.

King Jay

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Just look at this absolute specimen of a human being. This guy knows what he’s all about and is unapologetic about it.

Like we said, life is too short, and he’s known and lived by this for at least the five years he’s had his cut.

“It makes me look majestic af,” King Jay here says. Well, his name is apropos because this is a regal look he’s sporting. He looks like the monarch in the land of Rugby Fans.

Sam

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“I love mullets because everyone looks at you like you’re a freak,” says Sam, who’s had his for four years.

The key to success when it comes to business or finding a significant other is being able to stand out.

Most people are afraid to, yet these guys have the right idea. Sure, many won’t take kindly to them, but the ones that will can notice them much easier. Mullets help save you time on haircuts and even life itself!

Laurie

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You might think that having a mullet is a choice that people make. While it certainly can be, sometimes it’s a choice that’s made for you… by genetics.

This is Laurie, and he’s had his mullet since 1972, aka the year that he was born.

“I was born with it, I’ll die with it,” he says, defiantly. This really puts a new wrinkle into that whole nature versus nurture debate that scientists were having over mullets. They… were having that debate, right?

Lloyd

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Lloyd here looks like such a party animal that it’s hard to believe he’s able to keep his party only in the back.

He’s had this hair for two years and claims that “A mullet is the best way to maintain sexual activity.”

You heard it here, folks. Forget about diet, exercise or fancy blue pills you need to order from commercials you see. Just get yourself a mullet and you’ll be in fighting (sorry, loving) shape for the rest of your days.

Bailey

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Here’s another case of someone who’s had their mullet since before they can even remember.

Bailey is only 13 years old, yet he’s had this haircut since he was four. You know how a lot of parents mark the progress of their children’s height with a pencil against a door frame?

We wonder if Bailey’s parents marked his progress by how long his hair got. Don’t worry, he’s a fan of it, saying that “A mullet is definitely cool.”

Daniel

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At first glance, it almost appears that Daniel here might be lost, because his head is shaved and he’s not showing off the requisite hairstyle for this fest.

But then you look a little closer and realize that mullets come in all sizes, but in all shapes as well.

He’s had this look for four years and is proud of the unorthodox version of this already unorthodox haircut, saying, “I cultivate a strange style.” You sure do, Daniel… you sure do.

Trent

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We’ve seen some grizzled, biker looking folks with mullets so far. It turns out, that might be part of the necessary dress code.

Trent has had his mullet for two years and explains, “You can’t be a biker without a mullet, it doesn’t make any sense.”

So forget about buying a bike, getting a license for it and buying up a bunch of leather outfits. If you want to own the road, the first place you need to visit is a barbershop.

Erroc

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Erroc here is 60 years old, and he probably wishes mullet festivals have been going on for the past 49 years.

That’s because that’s how long he’s had his. He has had his mullet since he was 11 years old. Think of all the history that’s unfolded in that time period.

In all those decades, his mullet has been there with them. But he doesn’t care much for a lot of those events, since he says he likes his hair because, “It’s a good way to ‘eff society.'”

Isaac

Credits: http://vice.com

Lastly, we have Isaac, who got his mullet two years ago, “Because Mum told me to not get one.”

So what have we learned? The mullet is the official hairstyle of the rebellious, the economical, the cool, bikers and people who want to seem strange.

And indeed, it does seem strange to most of society. But thank goodness there’s still a place where those with this hairstyle can not only feel welcome, but even be celebrated and win prizes for it. We salute you fine folks, who are freer than we will ever be.