These Text Books Tried To Teach Us…And Straight Up Failed
Learning can be fun. Of course, when we were kids we didn’t always believe that. We used to always dread the end of summer because it meant the end of our freedom and we’d have to go back to school, where we were forced into rigid structure, waking up early and studying for tests. But some of our teachers knew how to keep that spark of inquisitiveness and creativity alive in us. Learning wasn’t just memorizing boring facts and regurgitating them onto standardized testing so the school would look good.
Learning could have been as cool as any other activity, if you looked at it the right way. Sadly, these types of teachers were rare, and the majority of them would just make you read from the textbooks. And oh boy… textbooks don’t always make the best teachers. Not only because they’re lifeless and boring, but because sometimes they try too hard, failed spectacularly with their facts or sometimes… both.
Egypt, South America
Ah, geography. This was always a fun class. Learning about the world was challenging, but rewarding.
You got to see how the planet was laid out and all the other countries that exist besides just the one you’re living in.
Memorizing where they were located was a bit of a challenge, though. In fact, it was so tough that even this textbook couldn’t get it right. Egypt isn’t located in South America, silly. It’s located in North America. Duh.
Give Them A Hand
Some people are able to learn just by listening to what the teacher has to say.
Good for them. Most of us are visual learners, and need something to look at to illustrate the lesson we’re being taught.
So, thanks for the visual cue, textbook. However, why did you feel it was necessary to include a murder mystery in the middle of this math textbook? Algebra can wait. There’s a killer on the loose, and we have to get to the (square) root of this.
Stock Photos? Really?
We here at Sarcasm Society pride ourselves on giving you fresh, hilarious and original content from around the web.
We have a strict rule about not using stock photos, because it adds a level of tackiness to our presentation.
Unfortunately, this textbook doesn’t have our same level of dedication. They even left the watermark on the image and everything. For as much as college textbooks charge, you’d think they’d at least have the common decency to pay for the photo.
That Dog's Not Lost
You see, this is how you save money on photos in your textbook. Use your imagination instead, kids!
But seriously, though… what kind of a textbook feels this image is necessary? Is this a monster hunting class teaching future slayers how to find evil doers?
But even then, how evil can you really be if you have such a cute dog and are taking them on walks like a responsible pet owner should? It might be time to go home, textbook. You’re drunk.
Well This Is Awkward
Well, when it comes to using your imagination, maybe you should try to scale it back a bit.
How is this appropriate in a children’s textbook? Heck, this isn’t even appropriate in an adult’s erotic picture book. What is this scenario?
We know what it looks like, but surely they wouldn’t put that in a learning tool, right? Maybe it’s a lesson on how to use your dog to find missing persons and rescue them when they get trapped by sentient shrubbery.
Saving All Those Nine Lives
Look, textbooks are supposed to teach us, and say what you will, but this image taught us all a few things.
First of all, did you know they made parachutes for cats? That might come in handy in the future.
Second of all, did you know cats can use those parachutes? Here we always thought cats naturally landed on their feet, yet they’re not willing to risk it. Sure, they have eight more lives than we do, but they take none of them for granted.
How Is This A Math Question
Look, page design isn’t as easy as you might think. If there’s just a huge block of text, it can be boring and even intimidating.
Pictures are a great way to break up the space. However, when it’s a math textbook, what kind of images do you use?
Well, animals are cute and people seem to like them, so that’s always a winner… but you should have a reason for including it. This feels more like a philosophy query rather than calculus.
Just Say 'No'
Now we go from mammals to an entirely different kind of animal: a total party animal.
If this is a textbook teaching the effects and dangers of illicit substances in the human body, this illustration is a total fail.
First of all, why does it look like something you’d see in a (admittedly messed up) children’s book? Also, why did you draw him to look like he’s having the time of his life? It’s sending the wrong message, you know.
The Four F's
Actually, the fourth F here is for “fail.” Whoever wrote this deserves an F in spelling.
Look, we know that you probably shouldn’t drop an F bomb in the middle of a book designed for school children, but don’t treat them like idiots.
They know what you’re referring to. By putting this out there, you’re putting the word in their heads, so just go all the way with it. They’ll respect you for respecting them and may actually pay attention for once.
Friendly Neighborhood Equation
You know what kids these days love? Superheroes. You know what they don’t love? Physics equations.
So how can we get kids interested in physics equations? What if we combine them with superheroes to gain their attention?
Well, that sounds like a good idea, in theory. There’s just one problem… superheroes aren’t real. So it’s hard to solve the equation in instances like these. This is like asking the velocity the Road Runner needs to run to go straight through a painting of a hole on the side of a cliff.
How Many Fingers Are They Holding Up?
Remember that scene in Bruce Almighty when he held up one hand with seven fingers on it?
Well, what if instead of using that as a means to get a laugh in a funny movie, we used that as a way of teaching kids?
What a great idea, right? Instead of just drawing a separate, second hand with five fingers on each like they’re used to seeing, we should illustrate a series of increasingly mutated hands. That will definitely get their attention and help them learn and not be distracting at all.
Solve This Problem
After seeing most of these images, it’s easy to develop a theory that textbooks don’t have editors.
After seeing this image, it’s plain to see that this isn’t a theory, but an undisputable fact. How did this happen?
There’s no way this image passed through a series of other people, they all looked at it and said, “Yep, I don’t see any problem here. Rush this to print. We want to make sure these kids learn as quickly as possible.”
The best textbooks are designed to answer any questions you may have about the lesson.
You know what the textbooks shouldn’t be doing? Creating more questions with no answers. Just what exactly is going on in this picture?
Why are they tiny? Why is Tom not wearing any clothes? Why is he asking the kids to follow him on what one could only assume is a trap that they hopefully don’t fall for? The teacher better be able to answer some of these queries.
The lack of an editor in textbooks strikes yet again. This time in a… I dunno, math book, maybe?
What kind of a lesson even is this, anyway? Look, we try not to have our mind go into the gutter.
But with images like these, what do you expect from us? This is like a Rorschach test for perversion, where if you see anything other than something perverted it actually means you’re delusional and lying to yourself. Get your act together, textbook.
Time To Return The Book
Okay, up to this point we gave all these textbooks the (undeserving) benefit of the doubt.
But after this? No more! This was clearly done on purpose, and we’re finished trying to find excuses for these lewd maniacs.
All we can do now is look on the bright side. Sure, school can be pretty boring. But every so often, you at least get images like these in your lessons and have something to laugh at and help get you through the school year.