These Images Show What Would Happen If Your Favorite Disney Characters Got A Little Too Real
We love the fantasy and the wish fulfillment of Disney, because Disney films make you feel all warm and safe and inspired. They’re so magical. So what happens when you take away the signature magic and wonder of Disney and instead look at Disney characters as if they lived in the real world? You know, the one you live in.
The one with bullying and peer pressure and bills and student loans and a Trump presidency. That real world. Think your favorite Disney characters would be a bit different? You bet they would. Artist José Rodolfo Loaiza Ontiveros imagines Disney characters in circumstances far more dire than the ones they’re in in the movies!
Disney Sells The Fairy Tale
Just look at this scenario, where Belle is contemplating plastic surgery. But Belle! The villagers sang “it is no wonder that your name means beauty”! You don’t need plastic surgery! No! But Belle lives in the real world now.
She’s no more exempt from societal pressures than we are. And Botox is preventative, after all. What’s going on here? These images are going to forever change the way you look at some of the most beloves characters from your childhoods. Be warned.
Aurora Has A Visitor
One artist has decided to add a heavy dose of reality to the magic of Disney. Artist José Rodolfo Loaiza Ontiveros imagines Disney characters in circumstances far odder and more dire than the ones they’re used to in the movies.
He even does creepy crossovers, like this here. If Sleeping Beauty sleeps so much, what does she dream about? And more specifically, who comes into her dreams? She’s in danger in more ways than one now.
Peter Pan Is Making A Bad Decision
Peter Pan! Why do you need drugs, you’re a tiny man who can fly! Peter Pan, no! If you wanted to get high all you had to do was think happy thoughts. Oh dear… what if he’s doing this because it’s the only way he can feel happiness.
And that’s the true story behind Neverland. Peter was just a little too high to realize that he never even left his room. Sorry to ruin your beautiful childhood memories of Peter Pan. (Totally not sorry.)
Pinocchio Meets A Bad Influence
Aw Pinocchio, first Lampwick, now Justin Bieber?! Come on, you think he can teach you about being a real boy? Please. The Biebs doesn’t know anything about being a real boy. He was a child star.
A wooden puppet is much more of a real boy than a child star. Oh no. Now I’m gonna have the Beliebers coming after me. Fair warning, a lot of these involve drug use, because… come on. You think the people who came up with some of these stories were sober?
Hercules! Come on! You don’t need that to become a god! You need to do a selfless act! Aw geez, Hercules! And here we thought his physique was gifted to him through his godly genetics. Nope!
Turns out he’s a big old cheat. That wasn’t the result of hard work, exercise and a careful diet. He has a dealer, likely from the underworld. Makes him kind of a hypocrite for trying to beat up Hades, don’t you think?
Ursula Has A Meal
Ursula! You even got the seagull! Ursula, that’s just not like you! Ursula! Oh wait, it is kinda like you. Never mind. Considering how cute these characters are, you forget how delicious they must be with melted butter.
It’s weird having one of your favorite characters also be one of your favorite dishes. No, I will not apologize for enjoying crab. I know imitation crab meat is a cheaper alternative, but it’s my birthday, so let it slide, okay?
The Evil Queen Partakes
Well… Actually, I expected this from her. Poison apples for Snow White. Lines of coke for the Evil Queen. This is why you’re no longer the fairest of them all, by the way. That stuff is terrible for your complexion.
Plus it keeps you up all night, which is also terrible. At least you have the magic mirror. That’s the most baller way ever to do this drug. Some folks do it off CD cases, she does it off enchanted artifacts.
Alice Also Partakes
But I didn’t expect this from her! Alice! That’s not how you go to Wonderland! That’s not the white rabbit! Aw, geez, Alice! Here we thought she was just so sweet and innocent, but I guess not.
I mean, we should have seen this coming. We always kind of suspected her adventures were really just a bad trip, and I guess this confirms it. Off with her head, because it’s full of bad decisions and disappointed us all.
An Aristocat Devours
Come on! That rat had his own adventure to be had! Come on!!! This is the most realistic picture of them all. How many times have we seen woodland animals singing with each other in perfect harmony and melody?
If there’s a cat and a mouse in the same room, something violent is about to go down. Sure, it’s fun to imagine they’d be friends, but this is the grim reality of what would actually happen should they be together.
Snow White Has A Bad Day
Is it because the Evil Queen did coke earlier? Snow White, this just won’t help! Hopefully the dwarves will show up soon and help coax her off her bender. It could have been a whole lot worse, though.
Given her name, thank goodness she’s only sticking to booze. “Snow White” sounds like code for what the Evil Queen and Alice have gotten into lately. Hopefully Prince Charming can not only save her from evil, but also get her into AA.
Oh No! This Creep's Worse Than Ursula!
Creature From The Black Lagoon, let her go! Ugh! Don’t be a creep, creature from the Black Lagoon! And here we thought Ariel was safe when we didn’t see her on a platter in front of Ursula.
Looks like she has her own set of problems. She wanted to be a part of our world, but certainly not in this way. At least she gets to keep her voice in this scenario. You know… assuming she’s still even alive.
What! The Joker Doesn't Belong In 'Tangled'!
How did he get in there!? Rapunzel, get out of there! Use your hair to stop him! Come on, Rapunzel! The collision of these worlds is just making my heart hurt!! How did he get those scars on his face?
I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure this image is giving me scars on my emotions. Hopefully he’ll leave her alone. And even more hopefully, Batman will show up, because he and Rapunzel would make an absolutely adorable couple.
Cinderella Wears A Dress Made Of Meat
Not good Cinderella. Not good. Fairy Godmother really needs to step up her game. Who does she think she’s dressing? Lady Gaga? Hopefully that outfit isn’t made from all of her helpful little woodland animal friends.
How cruel would that be? They cheer her up by singing and do all of her chores for her, and then they get murdered and skinned just so she can go to a party in an outfit that makes people sick instead of happy.
Well, At Least Frida Kahlo Can Hold Her Liquor
In Jose’s universe of Disney paintings, Frida Kahlo is a friend to every Disney Princess down on her luck. Makes sense to me. Also, dang it, Snow White. We thought you had gotten off the bottle.
Everyone has relapses now and again. It’s all about getting back on the wagon as quickly as possible. Where is Prince Charming? Seriously, hopefully he can help her on out. Disney teaches us that love is magic and can conquer all, right?
Let’s end on a positive note. Disney only recently introduced its first gay character in the live action Beauty And The Beast, but it was a minor character that spent most of his time in the film being an antagonist.
What the world needs now is to see a gay Disney love story between two leads. These guys must be so happy. They don’t have to slay a dragon or a sea witch to get to their marriage. They can just send out the invites.