These 30 People Are The Definition Of Petty
We’d all like to think that we’re kind, compassionate individuals overflowing with sympathy and possessing limitless patience. But the truth is, sometimes… people just get on our nerves. It’s okay to admit that you’ve been annoyed by someone. Nobody is perfect, and conflict with your fellow human beings is inevitable at some point (or several points if you’re especially terrible to be around… no judgement). When this does happen, it’s always best to take the high road. Turn the other cheek. Forgive and forget. When they go low, we go high. At least… that’s what we’re always told.
The truth is… that isn’t very satisfying, is it? Sure, it’s absolutely the right thing to do, but it doesn’t give us a lot of instant gratification, does it? In this day and age of social media where we can post something online and get a dopamine spike watching all those likes come immediately pouring in, being the bigger person doesn’t have the same rewarding feeling that it used to. And in this day and age of social media, it’s become much easier (and a heck of a lot more fun) to just be the absolute definition of petty…
Pettiness As An Art Form
Yes, being petty is childish and not something that civilized adults should ever engage in.
But these days, thanks to the creativity and share-ability of the internet, pettiness has been elevated from an ugly characteristic to an absolute art form.
We’d even go so far as to say that some of these forms of pettiness belong in museums more than some postmodernist art pieces, since they elicit more of an emotion from their viewers? Don’t believe us? Well take a look at this petty art exhibit we’ve curated just for you…
To be fair, if they were gone for a week and a half and there was trash left after what they picked out, that’s on them.
How are you going to leave trash in the can before leaving for 11 days?
When you want to talk about who’s the worst roommate, maybe you should look in the mirror first. They took care of their business, now it’s time for you to own up to your mistakes and fix them.
We think we’re so sophisticated these days with our Instagram and our Snapchat, but MySpace was dope back in the day.
Yeah, all the sparkle effects and endless music videos made the pages an absolute nightmare to load.
But you know what it was great for? Being petty. You could subtweet before subtweeting was even a thing, and do it with music! And what better passive aggressive band to use than Evanescence? Truly, those were great times this generation will never get to know about.
Rules Are Rules
“Sob all you want, Rhonda, it’s not gonna make me feel sorry for you and go easy on ya.
I told you not to look at your phone on the clock and you obviously did. If you hadn’t, you would have been in a relationship for another 4 hours and 36 minutes.
But know you’re single and still have more than half a work day to dwell on it, so get to cracking or you’ll be unemployed as well as lonely.
In relationships, it’s usually a good thing when you hear that things are “heating up.”
However, today we all learned that how those things are heated up is incredibly important. Over the stove in a kettle is the preferable method.
But if you need it heated up immediately in a manner that will make it lose all its flavor, then the microwave is certainly an option. Just don’t forget to maintain eye contact to establish dominance in the situation.
If you’ve ever worked in an office, then you know that you need to sometimes act like Sherlock Holmes.
Your stuff will inevitably be consumed, stolen or tossed from the fridge in the break room, and you have to solve the mystery of who did it.
However, you don’t have to be a detective like Sherlock Holmes or Batman. Heck, you might not even want to solve it and just be like the Joker instead and watch the whole world burn, which is a double whammy since burning worlds tend to make people thirsty.
Breakups can be messy. Especially when you’ve been with the person for a while and know their family.
It may feel like that they were nothing but kind to you and don’t deserve your wrath. However, ignore those feelings.
After all, they were the ones that helped raise this terrible person that broke your heart, so in a way, they’re even more deserving of your scorn, so don’t bother holding back if they try reaching out to you in the future.
If you live in an area with plentiful amounts of drinking water, don’t take it for granted.
There are so many people in the world that need that life-giving liquid, so don’t waste even a single drop of it. There are all sorts of ways it can be recycled.
This… isn’t one of them. But hey, if you have someone you can’t stand giving you guff in your own home, you have to teach them a lesson they won’t forget.
Pictures Are Worth A Thousand Heads
Is it creepy to keep the decapitated bodies of all your ex-friends in a decades-old picture?
Absolutely. But when you look good in a photo, you have to do everything you can to make sure you can still show that picture off.
These were the days before Photoshop when you could just digitally remove them. You had to get physical, and honestly, it was so much more satisfying to feel the rip of the paper as you literally and figuratively tore them out of your life.
“Hey, baby! They’re done? Cool. Let me see that tattoo. I want to see how it turned out.
Hm… you know, now that I’m looking at it, I think my skin is just fine the way it is and doesn’t need any alterations.
What? Are you mad that I lied and changed my mind about making a lifelong commitment? Well, now you know how I feel. If you need someone to cry to, go back to Sheila, and try not to mess up that tat while it heals.”
Sometimes when you want to get even you can’t because there’s a clear difference in power with the person you’re upset with.
However, just because you can’t wreak absolute havoc in their lives doesn’t mean you can’t find your own little corners to disrupt.
In this case, it’s literally the corners of the bananas. They will rot faster, and it’ll make slicing them up over the cereal slightly more annoying. That will show them. Victory isn’t yours, but it isn’t theirs, and that’s the most important thing.
Crop The Haters
The fact their own sister cropped them out of the picture isn’t the most hurtful thing on display here.
It’s the fact they decided to tile the image before posting it online. That literally multiplies the message to them.
They even left their shoulder in, so there’s no mistaking that someone was cut out. This isn’t even that great of a picture they want to keep to show off how cute they are in. This is just pure malice.
Dang, and just like that they went from WitchRot to WitchNot. That’s super metal, my dude.
The best part is how casual he is about the drummer dying. We can only hope that it isn’t related to the infidelity, although we can’t be sure.
He went out of his way to show that his failed relationship is more important than the drummer’s life, so you know this band is for sure done for. This guy’s solo career is gonna be way more emo than metal, we reckon.
Reality Is Often Disappointing
You don’t need a reality stone to be like Thanos. By playing with your phone settings, reality can be whatever you want it to be.
Someone doesn’t respond to your text? What text? Looking through your history, it looks like you never sent it at all.
Heck, that’s like having a reality and a time stone, and taking care of your health like this is good for your Mind and soul (stones). Take back the power (stone) in your relationship and give the other person their space (stone). Snap.
That Sounds Ruff
This is certainly petty, but it’s also one of the nicer forms of revenge we’ve seen on an unfaithful lover.
Honestly, it’s actually kind of her that she fed him at all after doing what he did.
He could have just had his stuff thrown out on the lawn and/or set on fire, so the fact he got a meal (despite what it was composed of), well, he should consider himself lucky and try to be a better good boy in the future.
One of the worst things about working in an office is that you never work alone.
Other people are the worst, and the fact you have to pretend to like and tolerate them is even worse than just being in a full blown rivalry.
Luckily, when they quit, you can stop pretending. You’re supposed to give them something sweet on their last day, and this is the sweetest gift we’ve ever seen, especially for the person who is giving it.
Blood For Blood
You may not believe it, but the mosquito is one of the most dangerous animals on the planet.
They carry all sorts of diseases that they pass from person to person with their bite, and you should never take the presence of one lightly.
…Buuuuuuuuut, this friend really was being super annoying. And what better way to give them some time to reflect on their behavior than laid up in a hospital bed for a few weeks with a light case of West Nile virus?
Set An Alarm
“You know what? No more Mr. Nice Ethan. I’m trying to make something of myself.
And I can’t get a decent GPA and go on to lead a successful life if I have you anvils shackled to my ankles, constantly dragging me down.
If you want someone to do the work for you, then I ain’t the guy! Also, “ain’t” ain’t a real word. You’d know that if you actually showed up and paid attention every so often, you slackers.”
If you’re on a first date with someone and don’t feel that spark, it’s best to let them down gently.
You don’t want to give them false hope and waste their time. However, while time is something they can’t get back, money is something they can try to.
Look, fair is fair. If you’re going to let them down, they want to at least get their six dollars back. Just think of it as a “bullet dodged” fee that you won’t be stuck with someone this petty.
You know what the worst part about this is? The fact that they know you did it.
If they really want to know how it ends, they could just read the plot summary on Wikipedia or search out YouTube clips.
Heck, they could even shell out the few bucks to get a Netflix of their own. But knowing that you patiently waited and watched and forced this minor inconvenience on them? Yeah, that’s unsettling to a major degree and will shake them to their core.
You know how they say that patience is a virtue? Well, this proves that isn’t always the case.
Pettiness certainly isn’t a virtue, yet we still feel that this person isn’t a completely justified hero and we want to be just like them when we grow up.
Also, keep in mind how messy chalk is. Anyone who has the slightest allergies would have been a mess in their car for nearly a year, all so they could do this. And you know what?… Worth it!
You know the best type of petty? When someone criticizes you and you can’t deny what they’re accusing you of.
So what do you do? Do you take it to heart and try to change and better yourself as an individual? Heck no! You mock them for being judgmental nerds.
The fact that the upper floor went to the lengths to try and publicly shame the lower floor, only for it to be flipped on them? Utter petty deliciousness.
If you’re going to send an apology letter to your ex, make sure you proofread it.
We’re lucky here at Sarcasm Society that we have talented editors (and handsome, but they definitely aren’t the ones adding that fact in themselves right now, no sir).*
They make sure everything we write is grammatically correct and makes sense. However, that’s a luxury that most people don’t have. Splurge on getting a freelance editor, it’ll be worth your while (and I can give you a competitive rate, too!).
[*Managing Editor’s note: This is the finest sentence created in the history of the written word.]
Do you know how utterly single you must be to even think of pulling this off?
Never mind actually doing it. The first person who thought of this had to reach out to and organize dozens of other single people.
They then each spent money and went to the movies for a film they may not have even enjoyed, just on the off chance a couple may want to see it together. If you’re tired of being single, be grateful you’ve never been this single.
Make It Yourself
Marriage should be a partnership. That said, if you’re not pulling your weight and ask for favors, don’t be surprised if there are consequences.
The fact that she went to the effort to leave the house to make it clear she wouldn’t do it is one thing.
To risk getting a ticket by calling him on the phone while driving away just to continue mocking how dumb a request that was? That’s an entirely different level, and frankly, while we don’t condone it, we respect it.
Dot Com Bust
When you’re petty to someone you live with or work with, we understand. Familiarity with someone makes it easier for them to get under your skin.
But when someone aggravates you this much in such a short amount of time that you feel the need to take action? Hoo, boy.
Do you know how to buy a domain off the top of your head? Because we don’t, and suspect he may have had to research it first. How annoyed must you be to want to learn?
Look At This Photograph
This is actually genius, and another example of patience being perfectly employed in petty revenge.
This person waited a full year so that he may have finally started to slip out of her day to day thoughts and she could have moved on.
But it was then that he decided to do something so petty that she would clearly remember this for the rest of her life. Again, we don’t think this type of behavior is healthy, but it is hilarious.
You think this is perfectly petty? Wait until you find out that she’s been posting this each and every day for the past seven years.
Do we know that for a fact? No. But it wouldn’t surprise us in the least, and to be honest, we wouldn’t blame her if she did.
After a certain point, when are you gonna stop being afraid of commitment? You already live with them and are raising a kid. The scary and hard parts are over.
To even think of doing something like this comes from a mind so utterly petty that most of us (hopefully) will never understand.
But again, it’s the execution that really sells it. A cheap one dollar slice of cake from a cheap market would have sufficed in getting the message across.
But this? It looks amazing. Even though it’s on the floor, we still kind of want to eat it. If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well, which is what the people responsible for fixing this pothole need to learn.
Don't Be Petty
So how are you feeling after taking a stroll through our museum of petty display?
We don’t mean to encourage you to become petty yourself. It truly is a virtue to be able to be bigger than your most childish base instincts.
However, if you just can’t resist, do yourself and the world a favor and try to be clever about it. Oh, and of course be sure to capture it on social media and share it with the rest of us.