There Is Now A Pill That Makes Your Farts Smell Like Roses And Chocolate
Look, we usually like to keep it light here at Sarcasm Society, but there is something serious we need to talk about. This certain something is something that we all endure. Something that can overwhelm us under the right circumstances. Something that can ruin a good date or an elevator ride. This is something that happens to all of us, that we can’t always control no matter how hard we try. That something that we are talking about is farting.
That’s right. We are getting serious about farting, aka flatulence, trumping, tooting or passing gas. Farts are funny, sure. And while they are the source of laughter for some, they are the source of disgust for others. Farts can tear a family apart. They can end a relationship, cause a rift between friends, and burn your nose hairs off. Especially dog farts. The worst! Well, dad farts might give dog farts a run for their money.
How You Feel About Farts
And you may be one of those people who isn’t bothered by a cute little fart here and there.
Maybe you proudly fart in front of your significant other or maybe you think it’s funny to roll the windows up in the car and let one rip so your friends have to literally eat it.
That’s right. Did you know that when you fart, poop particles come out of your body and you are basically making your friends eat your poop. Great friend you are.
Smells Hella Bad
So for the rest of us that thinks farts are disgusting and foul and smell hella bad, there’s some hope.
While we all have to let them out and we can’t just plug up our b**tholes forever, there is a product out there that will make your farts more bearable when they do come out.
If you have always wished that your farts smelled like a bouquet of roses, then this product is for you.
A Pill For Your Farts
Lutin Malin is a French company that produces capsules that you ingest that will make your flatulence smell like roses. Hand that over, please!
But they didn’t just stop there. What if roses aren’t your preferred fragrance?
Well, they have many more options for you to choose from including violet, ginger, lily and chocolate, which is their top seller!
Chocolate farts? So this magic pill will make our farts smell… delicious? We aren’t sure how we feel about that but we are sure that it is fulfilling someone’s fetish right now.
“Hey honey. Are you making your famous ginger chicken again? Yes! It’s my lucky day!”
“No dear. I have a terrible stomach ache and ate too many beans and I just farted. Sorry to disappoint you.”
In The Good-Smelling Fart Business Since 2007
According to their website, these magic farting pills are not a medicine or a drug.
They are simply a “dietary supplement based on natural ingredients” or what is known as “phytotherapy.” Whatever they are, they will fix your fart problems.
And while you may just be hearing about these pills for the first time, according to their site, they have been in the good-smelling fart business since 2007.
Coming Back For More
And if you think this is all bogus, their returning customers swear that these pills do they trick!
“The Fart Pill is the result of lengthy research and trials and is on sale since 2007. Our fragrant variants also add a touch of humour for any occasion. Our numerous returning customers are no doubt the best proof.”
Why would they come back for more, if the product wasn’t working?
Hand Em Over!
If you feel like you need these pills in your life immediately, check out their site.
When you purchase the pills, you’ll get 60 pills at a time. You are advised to take “2 to 6 capsules per day at meal times, depending on one’s condition, diet and the desired effect”.
Or depending how farty you are, right? Those with lots of gas better keep that bottle close!
WHAT A STEAL!
And here is the best news ever! Each packet of 60 pills costs just $17.19! WHAT A STEAL! WHAT A DEAL!
And while your dreams may have been answered, you may still be looking for an answer for your dogs rancid farts.
Well, look no further because they have you covered for that too. Tell your pooch to fart away because soon their farts will smell just fine.
For Your Dog's Farts
The company also make a powder for dogs that will make your dogs farts also smell like roses.
All you have to do is sprinkle the powder onto your pooch’s food and their usually smelly farts will smell like a bouquet in no time.
You’ll whole house will smell like a florist in no time so keep the farts coming!
Fart Pads Are A Thing
And if you aren’t keen to popping pills, maybe you should try these Flat-d Pads to make your farts smell better?
Flat-d Pads are a simple activated charcoal cloth pad that you put in your own underwear.
You place the pad strategically at the source of the gas and it is supposed to help block the smell. Want to try it? Go ahead and let us know how it goes!
Try Subtle Butt
Another product on the market made to neutralize your fart’s smell is Subtle Butt.
Subtle Butt is an antimicrobial, activated charcoal pads that is designed to filter odors from intestinal gas. Cute!
The pad will neutralize any odor that passes through it and they are the best selling flatulence pad on the market! Best news ever is that they are reusable for up to six months so just keep farting on those things.
Or How About Poo~Pourri?
And while we are on the subject of gross smelling things that come out of our butts, have you heard of Poo~Pourri?
Poo~Pourri is a spray that naturally traps bathroom odors and makes your poops smell, well, better.
According to their site, you just spritz the Poo~Pourri into the toilet bowl before you do your business and Poo~Pourri’s pure blend of natural essential oils creates a film on the surface of the water so when you flush it smells like a spa!
Rotten Egg Farts
And if you want your farts to smell better and you don’t want to put pads on your butt or carry around essential oils, take a closer look at your diet and what you are putting in your mouth.
Maybe you are eating foods that are making you the giant gas-ball that you’ve become. It is possible!
Try eating slow-release carbs like potatoes and cutting down on protein. This may prevent rotten-egg farts.
Many high-fiber foods can make you pass more gas because it takes longer for these foods to break down in your digestive system.
They ferment over time and when they come out, they smell like … well, you’ve smelled it.
Avoid foods like broccoli, bok choy, asparagus and cabbage if you want to keep your loved ones in your life.
Some More Tricks
Here are some tricks to help you from being more gassy and bloated in general.
First, try to eat smaller portions at a slower pace. This will help you digest the food and will reduce gas production.
Also, include more probiotic foods like yogurt into your diet to restore healthy bacteria in your body which will also improve digestion. And as always, drink more water. This will help you move waste through your body more efficiently. Your friends on your next road trip will thank you!