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Pics That’ll Send Your Inner 12-Year-Old into a Jealous Rage

By Sarcasm Society - September 11, 2018

Remember how fun it was to be a kid? No stress, no worries, no crippling student loans. It was just free and fun. Well, your childhood would have been even more fun if you had any of the items on this list. Your inner child is about to be really freaking jealous about all of these cool toys and collectible items you’re about to see, so take a minute to remember that you’re a full grown adult and you probably have no use for any of these things anymore. Who are we kidding!? These things would still be so awesome! We want them all! Please let me act like a 10-year-old for just one day. Please, please, please? It’s been a really rough week of adulting.

We hate all of these people so much right now.  Also, we want to be them so bad right now.  Jelly…

Your 12-Year-Old Self Is About to Flip

Credits: www.reddit.com

I mean, come on. Who wouldn’t want an old-school Simpson’s arcade game? This is the epitomy of my childhood right here: coming home after school, sitting down with a snack and watching those kooky Simpsons do their thing. Buying this today would be awesome.

Me: “Babe, just wait ’til you see what I’ve got parked in my garage.”

Her: “Please. Like I’m the kind of person who’s impressed by auto… IS THAT A FULLY FUNCTIONAL SIMPSONS ARCADE CABINET?!”

And then I put a rock on it right then and there because any woman who has a reaction to my man-boy cave is my dream girl.

An Instant Pokemon Master

Credits: pinterest

I hate playing against this guy. He always plays the same card: a complete framed set of all 151 Pokemon. It’s not even fair.

And it makes me feel embarrassed about my little 3-ring binder of Pokemon cards that took me FIVE years of Christmas gifts to amass. It was my pride and joy. And then I see something like this. And it makes me want to give up on everything. Or pull out my credit card and get back to collecting. I don’t need to eat or pay rent, right?

Ninja Turtle No. 1 Fan

Credits: fortressofsolitude

Yes, those are actual screen-used puppet heads from the Ninja Turtles movies, and this girl bought them for about $2,000 each. Maybe if I didn’t have student loans I too could be a proud owner of Ninja Turtles puppet heads.  Or really any kind of awesome Ninja Turtles gear.

We don’t want to know what she did with the rest of the bodies. She probably sold them off for parts, because even I would buy a Ninja Turtles shield or hand for, like $500. What a lucky girl!

Want to Start a Water War?

Credits: blogofporl.wordpress.com

Oh, your parents bought you a Super Soaker for your birthday in fifth grade?

Cute. Let me just lay out my little collection, k?  And then you should run, very very fast. Well, maybe not that fast because let’s face it, it’s going to take me HOURS to fill these puppies up. But come back later and face your doom, cuz my Super Soaker armory is ah-ma-zing.

Hop the Flagpole

Credits: www.youtube.com

It’s what we always dreamed of doing. People claimed it could be done. We heard about those mystical people who succeeded. But no amount of practice could make us accomplish it, so we decided it was a hoax. And if we can’t do it, nobody can, obviously. Until now.

Yes, this is real. Turns out it actually is possible to jump over the flagpole in Super Mario Bros. I guess you owe that bragging kid in elementary school an apology, huh?

Just joking. That kid was full of crap and you know it.

Room for One More

Credits: www.jessicagreen.com

Wow, that’s quite an impressive collection of Beanie Babies. I mean, sheesh, assembling all those today would probably set you back at least $20. Maybe even $30.

But remember back in the day? Parents would scour the globe for the latest, rarest Beanie Baby to satisfy our need to have ALL OF THEM NOW. Just when you thought it was over, new ones came out and you absolutely needed to get it. To the tune of hundreds, even thousands of dollars. Well played, toy company. Well played.

'Sandlot' Cast Reunion?!

Credits: slugmag.com

In July of 2013, on the 20th anniversary of the movie The Sandlot, the original cast reunited for a screening and autograph signing at the very same field on which the movie was filmed. Scotty, Squints, Ham… the gang was all there, reliving the glory days of that most awesome of movies. We lived baseball and childhood with those guys.

This really happened and you missed it. Try to control that white hot rage boiling through your veins right about now.

VHS, Disney-Style

Credits: wordpress

Back in the ’90s, this set of nearly 100 Disney VHS tapes would be enough reason to make anyone your best friend. You could spend HOURS watching all your favorite Disney characters do their thing over and over again and you’d sing along. Then you’d rewind the tape and start again. Ah, childhood.

Now children have no idea what a tape is, what ‘rewinding” is, or the agony of having the tape fuzz out on you after one too many screenings.

Isn’t it amazing how a few decades of perspective can change things?

Piece of the Aggro Crag

Credits: imgur

Why even bother keeping other trophies on your shelf when you own a piece of the Aggro Crag? You’ve already achieved mankind’s greatest athletic achievement.

Those who conquered the obstacle course and the ascent up the Aggro Crag on Nickelodeon’s GUTS show were awarded a medal and a replica piece of the faux-rock itself, which one contestant described as a kind of rock lamp with a pull string. In 2009, a player successfully auctioned off the artifact for $1449. (He kept the medal, though.)

'Super Toy Run' Winner

Credits: avclub

This kid won Nickelodeon’s Super Toy Run. He got to do what we all dreamed about: run freely through a Toys R Us store for 5 whole minutes, throwing any and every toy, video game or bike into carts. And the best part? Everything he put in a cart or dumped on the floor he got to KEEP. Man.

I don’t care what he goes on to do in life. He could become a doctor. He could start a charity. He could invent a cure for global hunger. Whatever he does, it doesn’t matter. I will always hate him.

Ho-Hum, Another Blink-182 Concert

Credits: reddit.com

This is a photo of Travis Barker’s daughter onstage during a Blink-182 concert. As you can see, she can’t even be bothered to pay attention. While I scouted tickets for weeks on end, slept in my Blink-182 t-shirt for waaay too many days, learned all the words to the songs by heart, waited in line to get in, and sat in a sweaty crowd just to see the band… she gets to hang out with them ALL THE TIME.

…That’s cool, kid. Keep playing Candy Crush. Nothing to see up there. I only paid $400 for these tickets…

American Girl Doll Fanatics

Credits: thisweeknews.com

American Girl dolls were all the rage. The characters, the outfits, the constant introduction to a new doll just coming out… it’s all pretty sweet. I couldn’t wait to get a little pamphlet in the mail with all the new models that just dropped. I wanted them all!

This lady has a massive collection. Can you imagine how much it costs to own 20 different American Girl dolls? I mean, the expenses in afternoon tea time alone…

Take Your Pick

Credits: imgur.com

Video games are the best, amiright? And they were probably even more awesome way back when they were in grey boxes. Back when you needed to blow the dust out of the cartridges sometimes. Back when it was a super social activity to do with your friends who would come over, eat chips and bologna sandwiches, and try to beat you for fun.

On the one hand, I’d love to own that collection. But on the other, I know the only game I’d actually play would be Tecmo Super Bowl.  Or maybe Kirby.

Finished State Quarter Map

Credits: ebay.com

Yes, my friends. This is the white whale. A completely filled, U.S. state quarters map! To any serious coin collector, this set could sell for upwards of $12.50! But it’s worth thousands in our little preteen hearts.

Gone are the days when we had to wait for the coins to sift through our change or found the coveted coins on the street. Someone found them all, put them together, and is the envy of every inner 12-year-old here. Well done, man.  Well done.

POGs

Credits: blogspot

POGs. There were cardboard ones, plastic slammers, metal magical pieces. We spent hours collecting those babies, trading them, filling innumerable binders with them. Our grandma would buy us the cheap kind, and we’d get a super-exclusive collection at Christmas. There’s nothing quite as satisfying as winning at POGs and taking away a really sweet one from a friend.

Now you can buy buckets of them for the cost of a double mocha latte.