People Who Took ‘Pimp My Ride’ To A Whole Different Level
People take a certain level of pride in their ride. While you could view your vehicle as a mere tool to transport you from point A to point B, many see it as a status symbol and an extension of their personality. So it’s no wonder the show Pimp My Ride was such a hit back in the day. The idea of Xzibit showing up and telling you that your ratty old car was about to be souped up was a dream we all had, even though many of us didn’t have a car and weren’t even old enough to drive at the time.
But hey, we could dream, couldn’t we? Who wouldn’t want a fish tank in their glove box or a working nuclear reactor in each cup holder? That show went above and beyond when it came to making mods to cars, but then it was suddenly gone. But the spirit of that show lives on in folks who try to pimp their own rides in, well… less than spectacular fashion. But hey, they’re trying! And in their own way, they’re taking it to a whole new level. Though that new level isn’t necessarily better, it is certainly new.
Haters Will Say It's Fake
Look, making a ton of crazy improvements on your car can wind up being crazy expensive.
Not all of us can have a friendly rapper show up at our doorstep and take care of all our motor desires with his skilled crew.
Sometimes you have to just DIY. And sometimes you have to do it on a budget. It’s not our fault that you don’t have a good enough imagination to appreciate this. You just wish you thought of it first.
Have you ever been driving late at night, look in the rearview mirror and think the car behind you looks like it has a face?
Well, the owner of this vehicle wanted to make sure you knew that you weren’t imagining anything at all.
The idea of having a car with a face is kind of cute. However, in execution, this is pure fuel for your nightmares. Why is the car gritting her teeth like that? We can only assume it’s a car, because why else give them eyelashes that luxurious?
Tanks For The Upgrade
Talk about a vehicle that is all-terrain. You could drive this thing through a war zone.
Unfortunately, you are most likely going to spend most of your time driving this thing to work or to do your chores.
Having tank tread on your van sounds awesome until you realize how slow that makes your commute. Sure, you could fit a bunch of folks in here to gain access to the carpool lane, but it might just be quicker to ride a bike at this rate.
To Each Their Own
Some people think of a way to alter their car and think, “Why?” Others think, “Why not?”
The person that designed… this was clearly in the latter camp. They knew they could do it and didn’t stop to think why they should.
Of course, maybe there will be a huge flood in the region and this will be the only car able to still get around. It’s like a modern day tale of Noah, if Noah’s ark looked real, real dumb.
The Fast and Furious movies taught us that muscle cars have exhaust vents on the hood.
Based on the size of this hood, this has to be the muscle-y-est car to ever exist. This is the Schwarzenegger of cars right here.
Is that even an exhaust vent? That thing looks more like a wood chipper. You could use this to make the largest chop salad in human history, all while on your way to deliver it to who’d want a chop salad that large.
“Hey, we heard that you’re a big fan of Cinderella’s story, but run a funeral home.
Well, guess what? We’re gonna pimp your hearse! That’s right. You’re in the business of dying, but we’re gonna help you get started living.
Cinderella had a coach made out of a pumpkin, but yours is gonna be made out of your death wagon. What do you think? It looks fancy enough to take to the ball, and you don’t even need to be home before midnight.”
If you watched a single episode of Pimp My Ride you saw them add a spoiler.
We don’t know what it is about spoilers and cars. They’re not very practical, but boy oh boy, do they ever look cool.
However, like we said before, you can’t wait for someone to do it for you. Sometimes you have to do it for yourself. So what if the color or even the material doesn’t match? A spoiler is a spoiler, isn’t it?
Bigger =/= Better
Okay, so you think a little spoiler is cool? How about a gigantic spoiler, huh?
Who cares if this thing makes your car completely non-aerodynamic and prevents you from ever being able to use your trunk ever again?
Cool is all that matters. That’s the whole point of having a car. Being able to use it effectively is just a happy accident. It doesn’t matter how impractical the spoiler is, as long as it’s cool. And if you think it isn’t, that’s just your opinion.
Eyes Up Front
You know what the biggest problem with spoilers is? You can’t appreciate them while you’re driving.
Wouldn’t it be great if you could have them on your front hood so you could take in the joy of owning one constantly while driving?
Sure, it may obstruct your view and cause a hazard to you and others, but that’s the price of being cool. Add a giant front exhaust vent to this hood as well and then you’re really rolling hard.
Fluff Is The Stuff
Remember how we said that your car was an extension of your personality? Yeah, about that…
If you were to see this car riding up on you, what would you immediately assume about the person behind the wheel?
They’re a big fan of marshmallow fluff? Why would someone do this to their car? Hey, it’s their car, so they can do with it what they want. To them, this is the epitome of cool, and who are we to say different?
Okay, so you want your car to be elevated. That would be pretty sweet, right?
But you know what’s sweeter than that? Chocolate milk beverages. If only your car could be literally and figuratively sweet at the same time.
Enter… this. Say what you want, but this is the coolest car you could ever imagine when you were about eight years old outside of the Batmobile, so someone’s inner child is certainly happy. Isn’t making your inner child smile what life is all about?
Okay, so we mentioned the Batmobile, but is that the only animal-themed mobile transportation device out there?
Heck no! Because someone put a lot of time and money into creating the Pigmobile (not to be confused with the Pig Mobile, which is a pork-based cell phone).
This raises a lot of questions, first and foremost being: Does this mean that there’s a Pigman out there? A hero who loves swine but hates crime? Sounds like a winner of a movie to us.
So we were confused about that last one because we never heard of a pig-themed hero.
However, this ride fills us with overwhelming joy and some powerful nostalgic feels. This car is nothing short of totally radical, dudes!
We all know about the Ninja Turtles, and it seems like they’re no longer teenagers, but mature adults that like a practical ride with good fuel economy, but one that can still show off how much they loves being turtles. Cowabunga!
Limos are cool and all, but do they have to be stretched length wise? And can they be a jeep?
As we’ve seen so far, if you can imagine it when it comes to your ride, you can absolutely do it.
This is a stretch jeep that is stretched wide instead of long. Sure, driving and parking and doing basically anything with this seems like a nightmare, but it’s a one of a kind, so that’s certainly something, isn’t it?
Take Your Pick
Purchasing a car is a huge decision. It’s the third biggest purchase you can make behind a house and overalls (that’s a huge lifestyle commitment).
Sometimes you’ve done all the research and have the decision narrowed down to three choices… but you don’t know which one to go with.
That’s when you need a car that is all three. Sure, it doesn’t look that cool, but it’s everything else you wanted, so some compromise is going to have to be made.
Ride In Ride
“Yo, dawg. We heard you liked motorcycles, so we put a motorcycle inside of your car!”
Remember that scene from The Dark Knight where Batman launches the Batcycle out of the wreckage of the Batmobile. That was cool.
This… not as cool. Bruce Wayne is a billionaire, so he can afford to make those thing practical as well as awesome. This is neither useful nor cool. But it is a motorcycle in a car, so if that’s what you’re into, you technically got it.
Can You Hear Me Now?
Don’t you just hate it when you’re at a red light and the car next to you is blasting their music?
You ever notice how it’s never a song that you actually enjoy or feel that deserves to be blasted?
Well, get yourself an audio upgrade like this and you’ll never be in that situation again. You won’t be able to hear their song over your sound system. You won’t be able to hear anything at all, in fact, since this will render you super deaf.
Exhaust pipes are one of the most frequently modified parts of a car, with varying results.
This… this is confusing. What exactly were they going for here? Did they want to shoot the fumes straight up into the atmosphere because they hate the environment?
If so, this is some delicious instant karma. Never point your exhaust pipes towards your car, especially if you have a white paint job. It’s just a recipe for needing a car wash every 20 minutes.
Even More Exhausting
Why have just one or two exhaust pipes when you can make your vehicle look like mobile bagpipes?
Actually, that wasn’t a rhetorical question. There’s a myriad of sensible answers to it, but you won’t be able to change this person’s mind.
Look, if your car is spitting out that many fumes, maybe it’s time to retire it. Either that, or just invest in one or two bigger pipes instead of having so many. That wouldn’t look as silly as this.
The Loudest Car On The Planet
We… may have spoken too soon. Go ahead and add 37 pipes; that looks way better than this.
Even worse, imagine how loud this must be. That car with the wall of speakers all over it would sound like a whisper in comparison.
You know what? Having a car is a privilege, not a right. And when people abuse their privilege to this extent, they should be forced to ride the bus. But don’t worry… we’re totally cool with a new show called Pimp My Public Transit.