Images That Will Make You Say, “Because Florida”
The United States of America isn’t as united as the name might suggest. Its citizens are divided over politics and a myriad of issues. While this leaves many of us within the states feeling angry, anxious or even depressed, there is hope. America is like a family. You don’t always get along with or even like your family, but they’re the one you’re stuck with, so you have to do your best to at least pretend to be cordial and get along with them to not start an all out war.
But it isn’t as bad as it seems. Although it seems like certain parts of this country are forever destined to disagree and disparage each other, we do all have something in common. From sea to shining sea, there’s one thing each and every American can agree on, and it’s this: Florida. Is. Ridiculous. Even Floridians believe this. If you want to know why this shared belief exists, take a look at these images that could only take place in Florida.
Florida has been described as “God’s waiting room.” That’s because of the incredibly large elderly population.
South Florida is known for Miami and its night life and Latin culture… but if you’ve ever been there you know it’s really the senior citizens that dominate the area.
If you love mid-afternoon dinner deals and complaints about the heat in the middle of December from someone whose family thinks they shouldn’t be allowed to drive any more, then South Florida is the tourist destination for you!
You’ve heard of gentrification, but have you ever heard of denture-fication? That’s what’s happening on this beach.
Considering some of the, er, um… extracurricular activities Florida citizens get up to (we don’t have to spell it out do we?), many of them lose their teeth. Some of them even lose their fake teeth!
Or maybe this is a warning to sharks everywhere. You try to bite us, and we’ll bite back with teeth crafted by science! You know Floridians are scary when even the sharks won’t mess with them.
Spotted At A Drive Through
Fun fact: Did you know that you’re not allowed to place an order in a drive through on foot?
By law, you have to be in a vehicle if you want to nab food on the go from an establishment.
However, they don’t specify what type of vehicle you need to be in. We don’t mean to be political, but we’re thinking of starting a petition to make people ordering fast food on a jet ski the new official state bird of Florida.
Merry Christmas, Indeed
This is a gigantic Christmas Tree made entirely out of walkers. Yeah, say it with us now… “Because Florida.”
What are they going to do next? Make a Hanukkah menorah out of oxygen tanks? Just don’t light it!
You know… because oxygen is highly combustible. We don’t think you need to be told that, but we do think Floridians need to be told that. Google “Florida Man” and you’ll realize everything needs to be spelled out for them, for all of our safety.
Is It Opposite Day?
Besides the ridiculous wildlife, Florida is one of the most dangerous places on Earth solely for its drivers. Here is Exhibit A.
There really isn’t any excuse for this. You can’t even make the argument that they thought it was the UK.
Sure, both the UK and Florida get tons of rain, but the UK is covered in castles, while Florida’s oldest and most historic landmarks are tanning salons in strip malls. It’s hard to mistake the two, so maybe this person shouldn’t be driving.
100 percent of the blame can’t be placed on the drivers in Florida for their actions, however.
The roads and rules in the Sunshine State are confusing af. Just look at this image to see what we mean.
What exactly are you supposed to do here? This looks like a test, but who would be cruel enough to implement this test, and to what end? Wouldn’t a stop sign be cheaper and less baffling? Come on, Florida. Get your act together.
Okay, we may have spoken too soon. This should also be some sort of official Florida mascot.
America is a melting pot, but Florida is the weirdest mixture of the entire concoction. You have all sorts of weird ingredients.
Here we have a very religious person with the aggressive attitude of a Floridian. This slogan is especially true while you’re driving in this state. With all the senior citizens on the road, you just might be meeting the Big Guy sooner than you think.
Dat Weather, Tho
You know how Florida is known as “The Sunshine State?” Yeah, that’s a better joke than any we could write here.
Look at this image to see the exact type of weather you get on a daily basis there.
It rains like a biblical flood for about half an hour, and then it’s clear skies moments later. No wonder the folks in Florida are so moody and temperamental (emphasis on “mental”). They’re just taking after the weather patterns they live in.
Always Be Prepared
How do Floridians prepare for hurricanes? With beer. How do they deal with hurricanes while they’re in the middle of them?
Also with beer. Pop quiz: How do you think citizens of this state cope with hurricanes once they’re over?
If you guessed “beer,” you see how this game is played. Sure, hurricanes are scary, but they happen so frequently in the state that everyone who lives there just uses it as another excuse to have a couple of brews.
Take a look at that tiny, adorable snowman while you can. He’s sadly not long for this world.
That was definitely made by scraping the insides of the freezer. And he’s gonna melt 0.02 seconds after this pic was taken.
Even if this was taken in the dead of Florida winter, aka 65 degrees. Want to know why Floridians are so crazy? Because these are the lengths they have to go to in order to feel like they have seasons.
Florida is full of all kinds of people, but “trashy” is a genre many wear proudly.
Look, there’s a lot to make fun of in this image, but can we just focus on the grammar that’s going on here?
There should be a comma after “thank you” to indicate they’re thanking their “baby daddy,” presumably for the vehicle, or hopefully at least for the baby. Without it, it seems like they’re reminding us all to thank our baby daddies.
Get Your Tan On
Okay, so maybe the Florida mascot shouldn’t be one thing, but a collection of crazy items witnessed there.
Here’s a woman tanning in the back of a truck bed. Why? Because she could, so she is. That’s why.
This scene reminds us of the wise words of Dr. Ian Malcolm from Jurassic Park. To paraphrase, “She spent so much time wondering if she could, she didn’t stop to think if she should.” She wanted to tan, and like nature, she found a way.
Florida is filled with crazies, the elderly and the insane. You know what they all need? Explosives!
Let’s use a lewd joke to draw them in and sell combustible concoctions all year round. What could possibly go wrong?
One fun thing about living in Florida is always preparing yourself while shaking someone’s hand for the likely possibility that they’ll be missing fingers, and it’s because of establishments like these. Keep making Florida Florida, Betty. You’re a credit to your home state.
Gus On The Go
We can’t talk about the craziness of Florida without taking a few moments to talk about the wildlife.
Florida is, of course, a swamp. So you should expect to see all sorts of swamp creatures like… this camel?
Okay, so if Florida has taught us anything thus far, it’s that whenever you see something ridiculous, making sense of it is a losing endeavor. It’s best to just shrug, say, “Because Florida” and go on about your life as best you can.
“Hmm, my kids are bored. I should take them out and find a fun and safe activity they can enjoy.
Perhaps they’d enjoy getting touchy and feely with a dangerous alpha predator that could eat them alive in violent fashion.
But where could I take them to do this? If only there were some sketchy van off the side of the road offering such a service. Man, this state needs to be more kid-friendly. It’s not like Disney World is here or anything.”
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gator. Gator who? Gator done! Ha ha, like Larry the Cable Guy. Get it?
Imagine coming home and seeing this at your front door? Yeah, it’s probably time to start over and just get a new house at that point.
Gators are a naturally occurring part of life in this state. So if you ever wonder why Florida citizens are so wild and aggressive, it’s because these are the types of neighbors they have to contend with.
Use The Crosswalk!
Don’t you hate it when someone jay walks and holds up traffic? Who do they think they are?
Just use the crosswalk the way that it was intended. Stop being such an inconsiderate beast, you animal! Have some respect.
This is another contender for a mascot of Florida. The state flag should really just be all of these images collected into a big collage with a giant warning across the top that tells you to enter at your own risk.
A llama being arrested in the middle of the road? Yeah, that adds up in Florida.
Considering the state, this llama is probably wanted for neglecting his child support payments and being drunk and disorderly in the middle of the day.
If you’ve ever been arrested in rural Florida, you probably shared your jail cell with at least 12 different kinds of wildlife. It’s just another facet of living in this state. Why do people stick around here, anyway?
Onward To Freedom!
Oh, people stick around because some of them love the wildlife… a little too much, if we’re honest.
You know how some creatures are endangered and should be protected at all costs so they don’t wind up going extinct?
Yeah, that’s a noble pursuit, but riding one and acting like a human meat shield to protect it? Not the way to go. Being wanted for trying to ride a manatee has to be the most Florida crime of all time, so… congrats, lady?
You know how a lot of states have brochures and commercials inviting you to come and visit?
Yeah… Florida merely existing is a 24/7 public service announcement to stay far, far away, lest you’d like to tangle with behemoths like these.
But Florida does do a lot of good. They give common ground and can unite the seemingly un-United States in one core belief: Florida is just gonna Florida, and there really isn’t much we can do about it.