Here’s How To Tell If Someone Is Flirting With You
Dating is hard. And we’re not talking about maintaining a relationship… although that is nightmarishly difficult as well. What with all the constant conversations and arguments about where you want this to go, not having your needs met and don’t even get us started on meeting their parents… but that’s beside the point. We’re talking about those early stages. That stuff is what you have to look forward to if you can even get a date with someone in the first place.
How can you tell if someone is into you? With all the apps these days, it’s kind of easy to tell when you match… but what about when you’re in person? Can you tell when someone is into you? Are they flirting or just being friendly? Wouldn’t it be great if you could read their mind and find out? Well, apparently you don’t have to be telepathic. There are much simpler ways to tell if someone is flirting with you…
What do you do when you have a crush on someone? Do you come out and tell them, hoping they’ll return your feelings?
Of course you don’t! Instead, we always end up obsessing over every text and interaction, trying to decipher clues as to how they feel about you.
Well, as we mentioned, there’s an easier way, as Vanessa Van Edwards will explain. She’s an expert at deciphering what people are feeling, because she’s an honest to goodness body language expert.
“Over the course of a 30-minute coffee date, you typically send over 800 non-verbal signals,” Van Edwards says.
“But you’re very unconscious of sending or receiving them. Knowing what you do is very empowering.
Once you’re familiar with the particular cues, it’s like seeing the world in HD. You’re suddenly seeing all of these minor things that were always there but you never noticed.”
So what are these subtle signs, and what do they mean? Let’s find out, shall we?
If the person your crushing on is a bit fidgety and touching themselves while you speak, that’s a great sign.
“This is more specific to women, but it happens with both genders,” says Van Edwards. “Often, a woman will touch or play with her hair.
This releases pheromones, and means she’s trying to call attention to her estrogen.” And what about guys? They subconsciously try to show off their testosterone. Van Edwards says they may accentuate their forearms, wrists and hands, which indicate manliness.
So fidgeting is a good thing! However, if they’re not interested, they tend to become stiff with their movements.
“If a person is uncomfortable or not feeling flirtatious, they tend to not [touch themselves during conversation],” says Van Edwards.
However, they may be acting in a stiff manner for other reasons. Perhaps they are self-conscious about dandruff or a pimple. It’s best to not draw attention to their movements, as it’ll only make them more uncomfortable. Besides, there are other ways to tell if they like you.
The position you and the person you’re talking to are in says a lot about interest.
Next time you and your crush strike up a conversation, take a peek to see which way their feet are pointing. If it’s towards you, that’s a great sign.
“When someone’s into you, they want to get as close as possible,” Van Edwards explains. “A person will angle their feet towards the person they’re most interested in, because subconsciously they want to move towards them. It’s fronting.”
The tell-tale signs of angling are that if both feet are in parallel, things are going well.
If their feet are angled towards the door, well… they may not be saying it, but they’re giving you a cue that they want to leave, and not with you.
It’s not just the feet, either. If someone is leaning in with their whole body, then things are progressing well. But if they look like the woman in this picture… maybe back up and let them be.
This might seem like common sense, but we should state it clearly so that everyone understands.
Eye contact is super important in determining if someone is interested in you. If they stare at their phone… not a great sign.
“When someone’s into you, they want to build up oxytocin—which is playfully known as the cuddle hormone,” Van Edwards explains. “Eye contact is really important for attraction because if someone’s holding a mutual gaze, it produces oxytocin, which gives you the warm and fuzzies.”
Looks Lead To More
“If there’s no interest, then someone will be looking down, looking at their phone or looking looking around,” says Van Edwards on eye contact.
“Essentially, just not making eye contact because they’re not that engaged or caring about producing that oxytocin.”
Eye contact is a super great sign, because it doesn’t just show they’re interested, but it actually releases chemicals. Plus, looking into each other’s eyes can lead to leaning in towards each other and even playful touches on the arm or leg.
Speaking of touching, little “accidental” touches are a major giveaway that someone is trying to flirt with you.
So be aware of all those arm grazes and quick pats on the shoulder. They may be trying to tell you something without having to actually tell you out loud.
“Often the person will touch your arm or try to brush hands or feet if you are seated at a table or bar,” says dating and communication coach Sarah Curnoles. “These are sensitive areas and send signals to our instinctive brain about attraction.”
Picking On You
You can also tell when someone is flirting by the way they speak to you. And it isn’t always when they’re overly kind.
Sometimes when someone jokingly picks on you or gives backhanded compliments, it’s almost always an awkward attempt at flirting.
“Backhanded compliments allow someone to test the waters and see if you respond in a favorable manner,” says life coach Jaya Jaya Myra. “While not the not most straight forward way to flirt, it’s extremely common for people who don’t want to make their intentions obvious.”
They're The First To Like Your Photos
Thanks to social media, we can now give someone attention without having to talk to them in person. Shy people, rejoice!
“If someone is constantly liking or commenting on your social media, they’re probably interested in you,” Myra says.
“With all the content flying around now a days, if someone takes the time to check out everything you post, you know there is more to it than meets the eye.”
So pay attention to who’s liking your posts, because they might be trying to say they like you as well.
Spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport says that someone might be into you if they take on a relaxed and calm demeanor whenever you’re around.
This could be a way of playing it cool. But it’s also a sign they’re enjoying having you around.
So, if they seem pretty chill when you’re around, it might be because you put them at ease, and in this stressful day and age, anyone who can make someone relax is a person they’re sure to like.
They Always Laugh At Your Jokes
If someone likes you, they will listen to what you say and try to show appreciation. The best way to do both at the same time? Laughter.
So, if someone is constantly chuckling and smiling around you, take note.
Matchmaker Bonnie Winston says, “If they giggle at your jokes, that may be a subtle way of flirting.” So if their laughter is way more than what you think you said deserves, they may be trying to get with you.
Their Behavior Changes When You're Around
Think about how you act when you have a crush and try flirting with someone. Do you act naturally and the same way you always do? No? Well, neither do they.
“So how do they act when they are nervous? See if the shifts in behavior line up with nervous ticks, and you’ll be onto something,” says author and life coach Kali Rogers.
“Do they clam up? Talk more? Laugh more? Touch more? Tell more jokes? While some people might be obvious flirts, most simply display flirting through nervous behaviors.”
Line Of Sight
Finally, this is for when you meet someone new. You know that scene from a bajillion movies where strangers lock eyes from across the room?
Well, if that happens, odds are they’re into you. You know how it’s even more obvious than that?
If they keep placing themselves in your line of sight. So if you turn a different direction several times, and they keep winding up in your field of vision, then it means they want you to notice them.