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French’s Has Developed Their Own Mustard Ice Cream Because The World Is Going To Burn Anyway

By Psquared - August 05, 2019
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What’s your favorite dessert? Do you enjoy something that you can sit down to like pie? Or do you enjoy cake every day and don’t need a celebration of some kind as an excuse to indulge in your favorite treat? Maybe you like cookies because they’re a little bit more portable and easy to eat on the go… although for that to be the case you’d only be able to eat as many as you can carry at one time, and if you don’t eat at least 26 cookies at a time, then what is even the point?

As for us, our favorite is unquestionably ice cream. It’s not only the most fun and delicious dessert out there, but it’s also the most versatile. You can add ice cream to cake, pies and cookies for crying out loud! Plus, they can come in just about any flavor. However, just because they can, doesn’t mean they should, as you’ll soon see with this monstrous affront to everything ice cream should stand for…

Ice Cream

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Yup, you really can’t go wrong with ice cream. Whether scooped from a carton or dispensed from a soft serve machine, it’s a universally beloved treat.

Anything you do from there is just sprinkles and a cherry on top. Serve it on a fresh waffle cone? Yes, please.

Even if you’re lactose intolerant, there are all sorts of non-dairy ice cream flavors out there that are delicious. Yup, basically the only way you can ruin ice cream is by coming up with some absurd flavor.

French's Mustard Ice Cream

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Annnnnd they did. Why can’t we just leave well enough alone? Ice cream on its own? Perfect.

Mustard in specific instances, such as on hot dogs, hamburgers and occasionally pretzels? What a treat! But combined? Who would even think to do that?

Well, the answer is French’s. The condiment company for whatever reason felt like they needed to diversify their portfolio and venture into the realm of frozen confections, but didn’t want to stray too far from what put them on the map.

National Mustard Day

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What would possess them to do something so… wow, we actually don’t have any words.

This picture is enough. The shudder you feel in your bowels while gazing upon this cursed image sums up our feelings on the matter adequately on its own.

It turns out this was a collaborative effort. French’s teamed up with the ice cream wizards at Coolhaus for a unique way to celebrate National Mustard Day. Also, remember that there are dark wizards, so that wasn’t a compliment.

How To Get It

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Do you want to try this or think it should be banished back into the imagination of the demon posing as a person that brought it into our world?

Well, it turns out it won’t be here for long. We’re sorry/we share your immense relief.

It was released as a highly limited run, with servings only available in select cities at select times, via a French’s ice cream truck. Only a handful of people got to experience this condiment cream.

Serving

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How would you even eat a scoop of mustard ice cream? Is that meant to be eaten with a spoon or licked off a cone?

Ugh… just got a visual of licking straight mustard and nearly gagged. Well, they serve it in a specific way.

Apparently in a cup is the way to go, because who wants a mustard-y waffle cone? It is also paired with a pretzel cookie, so… at least that taste combo is familiar? But how does this stuff actually taste?

Positive Review

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Shockingly, not everyone hated it. One reviewer for People actually had kind things to say.

“The initial flavor you experience is not mustard, but sweet hints of cotton candy and bubble gum ice cream. Once you get to bites two or three, though, it really hits you.

That unmistakable tang that makes you want a hot dog real bad,” said Shay Spence.

Ah yes, exactly what you want out of a dessert: the desire to eat more meat.

Mixed Review

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Ruby Anderson at Thrillist had a tougher time with this and had more of a mixed review.

She said, “To my surprise, the sharpness of the mustard did not insult the sweetness of the cake batter ice cream base. Instead, the two opposing flavors seemed to come together and lessen one another, so that both made sense.

It didn’t taste like a frozen condiment is what I’m saying. but you’ll have to taste it for yourself. I have a feeling this will be polarizing, kind of like licorice.”

Polarizing

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Yeah, we don’t have a hard time seeing how this would split people’s opinions down the middle.

Actually, the middle is probably a bit generous. This is likely more of a 90/10 kind of a split. And it doesn’t even sound that bad based on reviews.

The problem is getting people to try it in the first place. Couldn’t they have least gone with a honey mustard? That’s at least sweeter. Or maybe we should just be thankful they didn’t start with deli mustard ice cream.

Benefit

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You know, maybe this isn’t the worst idea in the world. It could actually come in handy.

Let’s say you’re throwing a gigantic barbecue, and the whole neighborhood is there. Suddenly, you run out of mustard. You can’t eat hot dogs bare!

Luckily, you got a carton of this a few months back as a joke. Simply melt it on down and hope no one notices. Heck, they should start selling ketchup and relish ice cream. Even mayo. The floodgates are open now.

Serving Suggestion

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We know that this ice cream is only available for a limited time, but we live in a capitalistic society, baby!

You just know that anything generating this much interest (good or bad) isn’t going to be able to stay gone forever.

It’s for sure going to come back, and when it does, you should be prepared. If you’re gonna do this, go all the way with it. Serve it with pretzels and cocktail wienies. Why not? The end of times are upon us!

Escalation

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You may think we’re overreacting to this. After all, it’s just a mustard-flavored ice cream. What’s the big deal.

The big deal is this: remember in Batman Begins when Gordon tells Batman that the danger of wearing a mask is escalation?

He’s taking things up a notch, so other villains are also soon going to up the ante. This led to the Joker. Well, now that mustard ice cream is here, it isn’t alone. Here are some other bizarre flavors coming at you…

Oscar Mayer

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We tried to warn you. You can’t say we didn’t try. But it’s too late.

This is where we are, now. Hot dog company Oscar Mayer has released a hot dog ice cream. And that’s not all it’s done.

It’s a hot dog ice cream sandwich. It comes with hot dog ice cream and its own Dijon mustard ice cream, sandwiched between cookies. Why are you trying to bring regular meals into dessert time? Leave them separate so you don’t ruin both!

Foie Gras

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Do you think that mustard and hot dogs are low class and you want an ice cream flavor that’s a bit fancier?

Well, here you go. Foie Gras ice cream is a luxury within France, and comes from specialist Phillippe Faur.

Foie Gras is the liver of a duck or a goose that has been force fed its entire life. One scoop of this ice cream, which tastes earthy, costs about $150. That’s almost as cruel to the consumer as it is the poor duck.

Garlic Ice Cream

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Or perhaps you live in medieval Transylvania and want to ward off vampires, but also have a sweet tooth.

First of all, if that’s the case, we have no idea how you’re reading this article in the past, but no worries!

Garlic ice cream is a thing. Isn’t that wonderful? Now you can go out on a first date, get a scoop and ruin your chances of getting a kiss that or any other night. But hey, no vampires, so that’s a plus at least.

Horse Meat

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Horse meat has long been taboo to eat in many cultures, though the Japanese tend to love the savory flavor.

They actually regard it as a delicacy. So much, in fact, that they have blended raw horse meat into ice cream.

They get super extra when serving it, too. They fry a couple of pieces of horse meat and stick it in the horse-meat-flavored ice cream. It’s a rough thing to imagine, but better than being turned into glue, we guess.

Hot Ice Cream

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“Ice cream is great. But you know what the problem with it is? It’s always cold! Does it have to be that way?”

This is likely the thought process of whoever came up with Hot Ice Cream, which has been given the nickname “Cold Sweat.”

It can only be found at Sunni Sky’s homemade Ice Cream in Angier, North Carolina. You must sign a waiver before trying it, as it contains an intense dose of the hottest peppers they could find.

Squid Ink

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You know how it’s become a tired meme at this point that Japan is a crazy place?

Well, they got that reputation for a reason, and it’s because they do things like combine squid ink with the cold treat of ice cream.

The ink, being almost pitch black, gives the ice cream a very distinct color, texture and taste when it is swirled into your scoop. This is only for the courageous eaters out there, as an animal’s defense mechanism doesn’t exactly scream “dessert.”

Avocado Ice Cream

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As a millennial, we love avocados just as much as anyone out there. It’s the ultimate brunch food.

Smash one up and slather it on a slice of toast or spread it on the insides of your burrito. Perfect.

But as an ice cream flavor? This may be blasphemous, but we have to say it: avocados are pretty bland. That’s why you need to combine it with other things to enhance their flavors. Making it into an ice cream is a waste of both things.

Chocolate Chunk Blue Cheese Ice Cream

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Blue cheese is an acquired taste. It’s pretty pungent, but in the right salads or on the right meats, it’s heavenly.

However, in ice cream, not so much. And that would have been bad enough on its own, but they just had to kick it up a notch.

Why the heck did they add chocolate chunks? Do they have a ton of dogs in the shop they’re afraid will hurt themselves by eating it, so they made a treat not even they would want to consume?

Ammonia

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If you’re not familiar with what ammonia, it’s that stuff that smells like you’re pee when you have too much waste in your bladder.

We know what you’re thinking: “Gee, that’s the perfect ice cream ingredient!” You apparently weren’t alone in thinking that.

This particular flavor of ice cream is made using Salty Licorice, a type of snack generally not seen or known outside of northern Europe. The ice cream contains a large amount of ammonia, which you can smell immediately, causing nausea in many.

Toothpaste And Orange Juice

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What’s the worst possible flavor combination you can concoct in your head? Guess what? There’s an ice cream for it.

You know how sometimes you accidentally drink a glass of orange juice right after brushing your teeth and immediately regret every decision you’ve ever made that led you up to this point?

Well, now you can get two scoops of that on a cone. Or can you? This may be a Photoshop (we desperately, desperately hope it is). But even if it isn’t real, there’s an ice cream flavor even worse than this out there, and it’s sadly all too real.

Reconsidering

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You know, when it comes to ice cream flavors that are based on yellow liquids, maybe mustard isn’t the worst after all.

We don’t mean to put on our tinfoil hats, but maybe the pee ice cream (we’re not gonna call it anything other than what it really is) was made just to make the mustard ice cream seem tastier by comparison.

Well, if you’re brave enough to try French’s mustard ice cream, check out their website and see where it’s available and when/if it comes back or goes nationwide.