Articles

Folks Who Take Everything Just Way Too Literally

By Psquared - March 22, 2019
Credits: https://imgur.com

You know how some folks say “literally” when they mean “figuratively?” For example, on a particularly warm day in the summer, they may say something along the lines of, “It’s literally on fire out there!” No… no it isn’t. If it were literally on fire out there you wouldn’t be alive to say this, because you would have burned to a crisp or suffered from smoke inhalation. Now, if you said it was figuratively on fire out there, well that’s a little easier to swallow. Why are we making such a big deal out of this?

Well, first of all, grammar matters. If we don’t take our vocabulary seriously, how are we any different from animals? Secondly, you have to be careful with what you say. Because some folks take things literally, and when they do it can get ridiculous. Luckily, sometimes it gets ridiculous in a hilarious way, and that’s what we’re here to show off. The folks in these photos don’t figuratively take things literally, they literally take things literally… literally.

They're Technically Not Wrong

Credits: http://media.favoritethings.danoah.com/

When you tell kids what to do, you’d better be super specific with your instructions.

Did they do this because they didn’t understand the prompt? Or were they being a little smart aleck and did this on purpose?

That’s the problem with kids… you’re never sure what they do and don’t know, and they’re super cute and they know it. This is a dangerous cocktail for ridiculous situations like these to arise more often than you’d wish. But it makes our job here at Sarcasm Society easier, so thanks!

Bad Barista

Credits: https://imgur.com

Remember the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld? If you hesitated or stuttered in line, then it was no soup for you.

Well, Starbucks didn’t become the multi-bajillion dollar corporation it is today by refusing service over silly, petty little reasons.

However, being a barista can grate on your last nerve, so you have to find ways to vent. So when someone’s been waiting in line for half an hour and decide to hold up the line by hesitating on giving their name… this is what they get.

Shoulda Specified

Credits: https://imgur.com

Here’s another way that baristas are able to get even without refusing service over minor matters.

Baristas are like children in a way. You don’t know if they did this because they were confused, or if this was intentional.

So let this be a lesson. Be sure to be speedy and kind with those that provide your morning coffee. Otherwise, you may wind up the butt of the joke on sites like these… actually, we need more content, so keep it up, ya jerks.

Safe At Last

Credits: https://imgur.com

Thieves are the worst, aren’t they? You work hard so you can afford nice things for yourself and your family.

Then some monster comes along and snatches it away, leaving you feeling empty and vulnerable. What can you do?

Thank goodness this sign has a solution! How exactly will this help? How dare you ask! That’s a sign! You always have to trust and respect what’s written on a sign. They’re official, and know what they’re talking about. That phone is thief-proof now!

Good Reading Comprehension

Credits: https://imgur.com

*”Man, that was a lot of fun. But now I just can’t wait to get home.

Hey, where’s Tyler? Whoa, what are you doing down there, dude? Come on, get up and let’s go. We wanna beat traffic.”

*”Bro, can’t you read the sign? This curb does so much for us and it’s apparently feeling unappreciated. I gotta follow the rules and let this concrete cutie know that we love it. Go on without me. I don’t know how long I need to do this. The sign didn’t say.”

If You Say So

Credits: https://imgur.com

“Oh no, a customer just tripped in line. How did this happen? Did someone mop recently?

I keep telling you to put up the slippery floor warning. Get our lawyer on the phone, we might be looking at a lawsuit.

Wait… what’s that? They don’t want to sue? But they fell. Huh? They… said they were just following orders? Well, okay. No! Don’t you dare point out how they mistook what we meant by that sign. We lucked out here.”

Good Boy

Credits: https://imgur.com

You know how when your dog uses the bathroom they always insist on making eye contact with you?

That’s because they’re in a position of extreme vulnerability and look to you for protection and support in this state.

This… is a bit different. This dog is looking at their owner as if they’re trying to say, “Uh, Bill… what are we doing here, pal? I’m color blind and can’t read what’s on that sign and even I know you’re in the wrong here.”

Good Luck, Teach

Credits: https://imgur.com

And now we return to kids, the undisputed masters of taking things you say too literally.

This isn’t a trait you grow out of when you’re a toddler, either. This lasts into high school and even into college.

Sure, you could even say by these points they’re technically not kids anymore so you shouldn’t have to specify, but here we see what can happen if you’re not super specific in your instructions. Hopefully this teacher can read what’s been written here.

A+ Following Intructions

Credits: https://imgur.com

That last student went way above and beyond what was literally asked of them on the assignment.

The student in this picture has to be respected even more, though. They did the exact minimum that was asked of them.

But you know what? They also did exactly what was asked of them. Imagine trying to flunk this student. The teacher has to know where they went wrong, but will be too proud to admit their mistake. Checkmate, prof. You lose.

Sign Language

Credits: https://imgur.com

This should be a public service announcement to sign makers everywhere. Be very careful with the language you use.

Signs command a certain amount of authority, and we plebs are all compelled to follow them so we don’t get in trouble.

So make sure it’s clear exactly what you want. Otherwise you’re gonna have sad sacks like this upending their kitchens to make sure that they follow the rules. This is more on you than it is on them.

What A Terrible Recipe

Credits: https://imgur.com

“Okay, my timer just went off. Let’s take it out of the oven and see how it turned out.

Dang it! This doesn’t look anything like it does in the picture. I just don’t get it at all.

I literally followed every direction to the letter. Ugh, I guess we’ll just have to try again. Maybe baking it in this oven we dragged to the side of the road has something to do with it not turning out right.”

That's Butter

Credits: http://media.favoritethings.danoah.com/

Remember before how we made a big deal saying how important it was to understand grammar?

Yeah, so… we’d like to apologize. There are exceptions for everything. We’re big enough to admit when we may have been wrong.

In most cases, we’d mock people for not knowing the difference between a noun and a verb. But here… this is the best. Bless this person for taking action when they didn’t need to. It feeds the gluttonous soul in all of us.

Hope That's Not Poison Ivy

Credits: http://media.favoritethings.danoah.com/

You’ve heard of people having a green thumb, but have you ever seen someone with green eyes?

Well… yeah, of course you’ve seen someone who has green eyes at some point. But we mean this type of green.

This is another example of sign makers needing to be more careful with the power that they wield. This poor gal just wanted to observe some plants and learn, and now she is temporarily blinded. Who knew leaves could be so dangerous?

Loophole Discovered

Credits: http://media.favoritethings.danoah.com/

Thank goodness. We now see folks who are able to go around the literal rules on a sign.

Granted, this technically isn’t a sign. It’s a sticker. But stickers are just signs that can, well… they stick. It’s in the name.

This sticker tried to go above and beyond and command even more authority. So what did this person (nay. HERO) do? They saw the rule, and they found a technicality. You can’t control us anymore, stickers or signs!

Who Is This For?

Credits: http://media.favoritethings.danoah.com/

Look, most signs are put up for a reason. They usually have our best interest in mind.

But sometimes, common sense has to prevail. This is one of those instances. This sign features a stick figure on it.

Apparently, stick figures are the only people who should follow this sign. How is any normal human supposed to fit in that space? You’re burning bridges to anyone wanting to ever walk across you again, bridge. We see the humor in that, but it’s not nice!

Hmm... Sure!

Credits: http://media.favoritethings.danoah.com/

This sign needs to give way more details. Like, how detailed does the drawing need to be?

This person seems to be trying their best, but the image looks pretty childish at best. We don’t mean to be art critics, but it’s true.

Is there a troll under the bridge that’s going to pop up and only let you by if your drawing meets their unspecified criteria? Ugh, we miss the days when they just asked riddles to let us pass.

Doggy Domination

Credits: http://media.favoritethings.danoah.com/

It’s not just signs that need to learn to be more specific when giving instructions.

They were asked to play with the dog, so they picked out their favorite game. Sadly, it looks like the dog isn’t as good at it.

What are they going to play next? Twister? We already established dogs are colorblind. You say, “left hand red” they’re gonna be confused because they don’t know what “red” is, and they don’t even have hands. Paws or bust, baby.

Great Advice

Credits: http://media.favoritethings.danoah.com/

Don’t you just hate when people decide to “vaguebook?” That’s when they post cryptic statuses online.

It’s meant to illicit questions and get them extra attention. This person’s pal has the right idea. Just go along with it literally.

If you’re gonna be vague, they’re gonna follow what you say as written. Sure, you might lost some friends along the way, but you know what? That’s just fewer event invites you have to ignore. So it’s more of a win in your favor!

Here You Go

Credits: https://imgur.com

This is hilarious. You know what would make it even funnier? If this is exactly what the dude wanted.

What if he’s some form of modern artist, and he’s collecting images like these for his latest exhibit?

This might be a statement on the toxic masculine mindset and the way they view women as objects. But they’re more than their undergarments. They’re people. It might be that… or he might just be a creep that got his comeuppance. Either/or, really.

Sweet Spot

Credits: https://i.redd.it

You know how people say that if you drive a red or yellow car your insurance rates are higher?

We don’t know if that’s true or not, but this image says you should forego those colors and get a green vehicle instead.

Who knew that having this color of car would land you such benefits? And yeah, we’ve received tickets for parking like this, but boy are those parking attendants going to feel silly when this is contested in court. They must be as colorblind as a dog.