Doctors Are Telling Women Not To Put Popsicles In Their…You Know…This Summer

By lgentile - August 05, 2019

Is summer almost over? We love the BBQ and vacation time but you can’t even walk down the street without sweating through your clothes. Saying that this summer is hotter than hot is the understatement of the year. Heatwaves all over the country and all over the world are forcing people to do anything they possibly can to cool down. 

Some find that getting into a pool with a drink in their hand to wait it out is the way to go. Others like to hide in their apartment with the Air Conditioners blasting at full force. Many take cold showers to cool down on a hot summer day. People will do whatever it takes to feel comfortable. For crying out loud, we’re hot! Do you get the point that it’s really really hot out there? And, hot or not, we still have another month of summer. So how are you going to keep cool?

The Heat Is On


And here is a little pro tip for you when the heat is on. Whenever it is too hot to handle, go to a place with seriously good AC. 

Movie theaters are a great place to hide because they are so cool and comfy. You can buy some popcorn, put your feet up and really indulge in the nice cool theatre. 

Why would you be stuck sweating at home when you can watch a movie in an environment that is so cold, you’ll need a sweater, Double feature, anyone? Yes!

Real Therapy


Or you can always head to a big retail shop to cool down. One of the best stores to hide out in is Urban Outfitters. 

Shout out to Urban Outfitters for their killer AC and their great little coffee table reads and fun little knick knacks. 

So sit back, relax and enjoy that AC before you have to go back to the sweltering heat. Just try not to spend too much money while you are in there! 


THAT Popsicle goes WHERE?


And if you aren’t able to go to the movies, hit the pool or sit for hours at an Urban Outfitters, what do you do?

If you don’t have central AC or even a wall unit and it’s hot as hell outside, where do you go? 

If you are so hot and you can’t take it anymore, please take matters into your own hands but whatever you do….. Don’t cool yourself down by sticking popsicles up your vagina.



Yes, that is what we said. Should we say it again? DON’T COOL DOWN BY STICKING POPSICLES UP YOUR VAGINA. 

Stick a popsicle in your mouth, rub it all over your body if you want, but do not put it inside of you! 

Look, it may sound like a great idea. To who, we don’t know, but apparently enough people were doing it that we have to write a statement about it. 

Up Your Who Ha!


Have you ever thought that sticking a popsicle up your pink taco was the perfect way to cool down? 

You know what? You don’t have to answer that. You really don’t but just know that you really shouldn’t do it. Are you listening? 

Putting a popsicle up your hoo ha is a total no-no so put that popsicle somewhere else. In your mouth, that is. 

Doctor's Have Had Enough


We really did mean your mouth. Just stick it in your mouth and call it a day. Get it? 

Apparently, so many women are putting ice pops up their cooch, that doctors have had enough! 

They are urging women to stop doing this act and want to encourage them to do other things with their time like knitting or learning how to play bocce ball. 

Any Questions?


Whatever you pick up as a new hobby, just don’t stick anything up there that isn’t supposed to be up there. Cool? Thanks! 

And you may be thinking, “Why can’t I stick a popsicle up my cooter?” Don’t worry. We are going to break it down for you right now! 

See, when a woman sticks a popsicle, ice lollies, ice pops, or whatever you want to call them up your vagina she may think she’s doing her vag a little favor. 


Who Is Counting?


“Hey girl, it’s hot out there. Here’s a little something something to cool you down.”

But whether you think you are doing Miss Nasty a favor or not, according to Dr. Sarah Welsh, co-founder of Hanx condom brand, you are hurting her. 

And you don’t want to hurt her, do you? What did she ever do to you? Besides that whole period thing and the cramps and stuff but who is counting? 

She's Sensitive


The vagina is composed of highly delicate and sensitive skin. She is sensitive, you hear? And because she is sensitive, you have to be nice to her. 

Sticking things up there that do not need to be up there can cause irritation, infections, and severe damage. 

Look we over here at Sarcasm Society are not claiming to be medical experts, and we are certainly not gynecologists. 

Take Care Of Your Vulvarine


We are not condom experts or vagina aficionados, but we do know a thing or two, don’t mean to brag! 

And what we do know is that sticking things up there that doesn’t really need to go up there is a no no. 

Other things that shouldn’t go up your vulvarine: Wasp nests, pieces of garlic and the penis of that dude that isn’t really that nice to you and doesn’t deserve it. 

WASP'S NESTS!?!?!?!?


All of the above have actually gone into lady’s love buttons in the past and should not. We repeat. Should not. 

Women who are putting wasps nests up their vag to tighten and clean them take a good look at yourself and ask yourself why. 

And to our garlic lovers out there, just because you love garlic, that doesn’t mean you should stick it up your honey pot!

Sticking Garlic Up There!


Women who stick garlic up their lady bits in order to help them clear up a yeast infection, gynos are telling you to please stop. 

Look, the smell of garlic is amazing, but not when it’s down there. We promise. 

And like wasps nests and garlic, ice can do serious damage to your beautiful little pink canoe. 

Back To Icicles


The ice can stick to the delicate skin of the vagina and cause real trauma and severe damage. That doesn’t sound cute, does it?

Putting anything up your vajajay can introduce several microbes, disrupting its “normal balance” and allowing an environment for bacterial vaginosis to grow and infections to develop. 

Also, the ice pops can play havoc with the natural vaginal pH, which can cause irritation or thrush. 

I'm Melting.... What A World!


And then, of course, there is the whole melting situation, which can ultimately lead to a possible break and cause damage inside of you. OUCH! 

Do you want a popsicle to break off inside of your cave of wonders? We didn’t think so! That sounds beyond painful. 

In conclusion, please just stop putting things up your vagina that should not go up there. Got it, ladies?

Maybe Buy An AC?


Take care of your delicate little flowers, ladies! You are going to live with her your whole life, so treat her with kindness. 

Stick to condoms, tampons, vibrators, and the penises of any men who deserve to put it in there. 

All other objects and penises should stay away. And also, go buy an AC unit if it’s so hot that you are sticking things inside of you. That seems way safer, doesn’t it?