30 Tweets About The Airport That Will Make You Go, ‘Yuuup’
Can you believe that once upon a time, but not too long ago, flying on an airplane was considered to be a luxury? People would get excited about taking a trip via airplane and would even dress up for the occasion. We aren’t lying to you, it’s true! Way back when, flying on a plane was actually a classy thing to do. It is hard to imagine that it was once something fancy when flying is how it is today. An absolute nightmare.
And one of the worst parts of flying is the airport itself. It’s stuffy, it’s uncomfortable, it’s beyond expensive and there are so many issues with airports themselves that we don’t even know where to begin. Maybe with the $5 bottles of water? Let’s start with that. Well, it turns out that we are not alone. Here are 30 tweets about the airport that will make you say… “YUP!”
Now we all know that a sandwich at the airport will cost you at least $15 dollars. And that is if you are lucky!
But what about a sadwich? What does a sadwich cost? Your happiness, that’s what.
But here is the real question in all of this. Who is sadder? The sadwich with one piece or turkey and a soggy slice of American cheese or the sad family eating the sadwich on the airport floor? We vote for the sad family.
Why is it that every line that you get into is the wrong F’ing line??
And don’t even try to switch lines to try to get into a shorter line because that won’t help.
As soon as you get into said “shorter line” you know that the line that you left will instantly start speeding up and you will be back in the longer line. You know we are right on this one. It’s just the way it is.
We get your point, little birdie! We can see that you can fly too, okay?
This bird has a Napoleon complex, doesn’t it? As soon as it saw all those planes that were much bigger than it, it felt the need to compete.
Well, planes! You may be able to fly outside, but look who is able to fly inside. Can you beat that? Oh, you can fit hundreds of people inside of you while you fly? Hmmm. Okay, we will give you that.
Look there are some bad airports, and then there are some reallllllly bad airports.
Some may think LaGuardia is one of the bad ones, but really how could it be bad when it has a Shake Shack inside?
That’s right. A Shake Shack. Move over Sbarro’s, because there is a new Queen in town and it’s got amazing burgers and shakes. If you haven’t had a Shake Shack burger head to Terminal B and you are good to go!
Boo To You!
How great would it be if you could actually boo people at the airport? It would be amazing!
To the guy who cuts you in line while you wait patiently to board the plane… BOOOOOOO!!!!
To the nasty woman who huffed and puffed because you took too long taking off your shoes in the security line… BOOOOOOOO!!!!! I think this is trend we need to explore. You go first and let us know how it goes, please.
What is up with the prices of pretty much everything at the airport? It’s insane!!!!
It’s like, “Oh you want to eat food while you wait 3 hours or more for your flight. Fine we will allow you to eat…. for a million dollars!”
And if you want a bottle of water, you’ll have to cough up at least $4 for one bottle of water. Pro tip: bring an empty reusable to save you wallet and the environment.
Orange Mocha Frappuccino!
There is a special place in hell for those who order a frappaccino from a Starbucks when they busy AF. Especially a Starbucks in an airport.
Other people who belong is this part of hell: People who order mojitos at a very crowded bar. Ask any bartender and they will tell you that this is true.
One more group who belongs in this part of hell: Those who show up to eat a five-course meal at a restaurant five minutes before closing. NOPE.
The Link Between Airport and Barefoot
The two words roll off the tongue in the same way, but you should never use the two words in the same sentence. Ever.
Unless you want to say, “You should never be barefoot in an airport.” That’s it.
Socks should be mandatory in airports and on planes and in life, really. We understand not wearing socks to the beach, but other than that, cover up those feet please. It’s for the greater good.
Don't Mess With The System
Look, we have found a rhythm for the airport, so please don’t intervene. TSA we love you and appreciate you, but we have a system here.
One crack in the system and we are going to spiral. It will slow us down, and then the next person, and then the next, and suddenly, we will be forced to stay in line forever.
Let us do things how we need to do them. We promise you that it is better this way.
Now You've Seen It!
What was the weirdest thing that you have seen at the airport? A pet pig? A piece of luggage with the owner’s face on it to prevent theft? A flash mob?
A frozen lasagna though. This one is super weird. Do you think he plans to ask the flight attendants to warm it up for him?
Well, airport food is super disgusting, so we actually get it. Maybe we should try bringing our own frozen lasagna next time.
Traveling With Pets
It is amazing that people do not have to take a test in order to be able to own a pet or have a child.
Really lady? You are going to put your dog in the security scanner? Oh, brother.
Here is an even better idea! Why don’t we put her in there and see how it goes? She can test it out and then if everything goes well, we can shove the dog in there too!
A New Rule
We should have a universal rule for the entire human race. You are never expected to pick up anyone from the airport.
If doesn’t matter if they are the love of your life or your best friend, you shouldn’t have to go get them at the airport. Done and done.
The only people you can drop off or pick up at the airport are people you love that are over the age of 75. Anyone else is on their own! Sorry ’bout it.
Wake Up JFK
Here is a concept. If there are flights going out between 2:30am and 4:00am, then they better leave things open all night.
Have you ever been waiting at an airport that has that chunk of time where nothing is open? It is an absolute ghost town and you stuck twiddling your thumbs on an empty stomach?
They need to have stores and restaurants opened as long as flights are coming in and out. We are talking to you, JFK.
Neck Pillow Status
You are an absolute nobody and a complete loser if you don’t have that fancy neck pillow status.
Strutting around with a circular pillow around your neck is super badass. You can’t deny that.
And if you are super fancy like us, you own like five neck pillows because every time you fly you forget your neck pillow so you need to buy another one. Once you go neck pillow, you cannot travel without one. See for yourself.
How many times have you slept on the airport floor? It kind of amazing isn’t it?
It’s like, anything goes. You will happily sleep on a dirty floor surrounded by stranger with no F’s given. Why not! You are traveling!
It’s the only place you can do this and people won’t judge. And why are you so tired? Because your flight got delayed and you’ve been drinking since 7am. Don’t judge. It’s the airport. Like we said, anything goes!
Miles And Miles
The only thing good about this is that you can get your workout in if you have been traveling and haven’t had time to workout.
We keep saying that they should really put gyms and showers in all airports, but we digress.
Maybe they should have Lime scooters at the airports in order to help people commute faster? But with all that luggage, that may be an accident waiting to happen. Fun? Yes? Good idea? Probably not!
People should be looking forward to their vacation. They should be at the airport feeling open and excited!
So, why then are people at the airport so freakin’ rude? Seriously, there is rude but then there is airport rude.
And all the rudeness trickles down and is passed back and forth between customers and employees. Customers are rude AF to the TSA and other employees and then, in return, they are rude to us and rightfully so.
Actually why can’t someone be allowed to skateboard in the airport? This makes total sense to us. Don’t you see the convenience in it?
This also takes care of our, “Lime scooters are dangerous with all the luggage lying around” concerns. A skateboard is slower and is more control so there are less chances of danger.
Let them skate. It’ll make it easier to get from point A to pint B and then C, D, and E! Terminals, that is.
Why is it that every time a police officer walks by while we are at the airport, we have a panic attack that we might accidentally be trafficking drugs?
It is ridiculous isn’t it? Ridiculous, unless you have some serious drugs on you and in that case, you are ridiculous for having all those drugs on you where the cops can find them.
And if you see that special canine sniffing your stash, you know that you really are in trouble. We hope you packed doggie treats.
Lookin' All Cute
Airport attire should be nothing but sweats, sneakers and workout clothes. We should call is “Flight Leisure.”
And to all the people out there who look cute on a flight, who are you????
Also, who are you trying to impress? Bring something comfy and if you need to look cute when you land, go change in the bathroom at the airport. That is what the bathroom is there for. It’s there to change, brunch your teeth, and take a shower with baby wipes. Duh.
Not A Place For...
The airport is also not the place for Flash mobs, dance rehearsals, loud conversations, and group sing-a-longs.
The airport is also not the place to talk to strangers. (People just want to be left in peace. We promise.)
The airport is for reading books or for reading a magazine quietly. The airport is for eating sad food alone in a corner, listening to music in your headphones and keeping to yourself. Conversations are acceptable but only at a certain decibel level. Any other questions?
Men And Women
This is another example of how there is rude and then there is “airport rude.”
One more example of airport rude is when 5 bigger dudes are watching a little old lady struggle to put her bag in the over compartment on the plane and nobody even thinks about trying to help her.
If they weren’t on the plane and if this happened in real life, they all would have been there, happy to help save the day.
Not A Margarita
This is also yet another reason why people should have to take a test before creating another human being. Seriously, guys!
Side note: If you thought the margherita pizza has booze in it, why would you ever want to order it? That sounds disgusting, doesn’t it?
Also, that would be a margarita pizza and it would be sweet, sour and full of tequila and lime. While a margarita sounds lovely, a margarita pizza does not sound lovely at all.
A Sensitive TSA Agent
Look, this TSA agent is not wrong. Having passion and finding love are two totally different things.
We didn’t know “giving love advice” was a part of their job description but these agents have a lot of life experience so we would let them teach us a thing or two.
But taking away the chia pudding is unacceptable. We know that there is no chia pudding in that airport and if there was, we wouldn’t be able to afford it anyway.
Make Up Your Mind!
We can’t keep up with the rules and regulations of airport security measures these days.
They seem to change all the time too. Take your shoes off, it is okay to leave them on. Take your lap top out of the sleeve, leave it in but take it out of your bag. Liquids need to go in a tiny bag, throw your liquids anywhere you want.
Tell us what to do and stick with it, please! It’s all too much to remember.
A Tough TSA Life
The TSA agents have it rough don’t they? They have to deal with the rudest people in the world and the most nervous people too.
They have to deal with cranky people trying to get from point A to point B and confused tourists that have no idea what is going on.
Their job is look us up and down and judge us to see if we are good enough to pass them. They are overworked, underpaid and tired. Be nice to them next time you see them!
Can I Have Ride?
Don’t feel bad when you tell someone that you can’t take them or pick them up from the airport.
There are so many options for them to choose from. They can take a shuttle, an Uber, a Lyft or a bus.
They can rent a car, take a taxi or walk. Let them walk! But really, they don’t have to walk because there are so many other options. At some point in your life you have to tell everyone you don’t do that anymore.
DO NOT PET
Who’s a good little service animal? Who is? You are!!! Look, dogs are cute enough, but put them in a vest and what are you supposed to do? NOT PET THEM???
Everything is cuter in a vest. Dogs, people, cats, bunnies. OMG A BUNNY IN A VEST??? We cannot.
What would you do if you saw a service animal at the airport with a sign on it that said not to pet it? YOU WOULD PET IT OF COURSE.
Hurry Up And Wait
We will never understand why people stand up at all while waiting for their plane to board.
Why can’t people just sit and relax until the last possible second? Wouldn’t you rather be sitting comfortably than standing in a line that isn’t moving at all?
Pro tip: Be the last person to get on the plane. Just wait until everyone is onboard and then you’ll walk right on with ease. Just make sure you don’t have a large carry-on.
The Thing Is...
The thing about waiting at the airport for your flight to board and take off, is that you really don’t have enough time to do anything.
You don’t have enough time to really settle in, so you wind up doing nothing at all and just pacing and sweating and watching time tick by.
There should be gyms and spas and yoga rooms and showers at every single airport. Then you could at least get there nice and early and really make it count!