21 People Who Got Shut Down For Saying Stupid Things Online
The wild west days of the internet seem to be over. Back in the long ago, everyone was anonymous. You’d have stupid comments flung your way left and right, but what was the point of going after the people saying them? They were anonymous trolls, possibly doing it on purpose just to upset you.
But now with social media, your name and face is attached to everything you say, so you’d better choose your words wisely. We now live in an online era of accountability. If you make a dumb mistake while you’re online, the internet always finds a way to let you know.
Even worse than regular escalators are those non-electronic escalators that are made of wood and don’t move at all. I think they’re called “staircases?” It’s like, what’s the point? How are we supposed to get to the top of those?
Walking? Up stairs?! Are you crazy? That sounds like so much work. And isn’t it crazy dangerous. No thank you. I’ll just wait until a Sherpa comes by that can carry me to the top or drag me to the bottom.
There could be an explanation for this. Maybe time froze for three minutes, and the statement is completely accurate. Or maybe it took five minutes, but they they time traveled three minutes into the past to post this comment.
Or, maybe, they don’t quite know what “literally” means. That’s always a possibility. But we don’t want to assume anything rash here. Surely, people wouldn’t say something dumb on the internet, right? I mean, that sort of thing never happens.
The Little Things
If you have a special someone over to hang out, you can “Netflix and chill.” But it you’re alone, you can do this activity instead. We’re not sure the official name, but we believe it’s called “Netflix and sad.”
But if you have Netflix, how sad can you be? There are so many options to choose from! And yeah, they’re thinking about raising prices. But for all this great content, it’s totally worth the extra dollar your ex’s parents will pay for you to see it.
The purpose of a YouTube account isn’t to put up YouTube videos. It’s to post mean comments on videos that you personally find displeasing. This is just common knowledge. I mean, are you new to the internet or something?
The first rule of YouTube is to never read the comments. The second rule of YouTube is to also never read the comments. It’s like Fight Club, except Fight Club is much more cordial and has a way happier ending.
Stay In School
They didn’t ounce think about going back to school? That seems absurd. Maybe they’re not thinking about going back now, but they might reconsider at a liter point in time. The red squiggly line that alerts us we’re being dumb while writing needs to be extended.
Right now, it just lets us know when a word is spelled incorrectly. We also need it to let us know when we’re using a word incorrectly. It would save all of us a lot of shame.
Before leaving a dangerous situation, the most important thing to do is update Facebook. And also Instagram it, Tweet it, and Snapchat it. After all, what’s the point of saving your life if your life isn’t properly documented on social media?
Think about all the likes you can get in a situation like this! What is life if not a series of events to show off for imaginary points online that fill us with a fleeting sense of validation?
Another fact: If the sun was 10 feet closer to Earth, it would also be 10 feet closer to the moon, and melt all of the moon’s green cheese. It would make for great fondue, but afterwards the moon would be all gone.
And while this fact may not be true, it still really makes you think. Which is important, because the more you think, the smarter you will be and less likely to embarrass yourself online like this.
How long do you think it took before Austin understood the flaw in his logic? We’re thinking at least 90 minutes. Anything less than that would have taken a miracle. He still may not know where he went wrong.
That’s the danger in arguing with a stupid person. You’re trying to educate them, and education is the natural enemy of a stupid person. It’s like trying to feed a couch to a wolf. Sure, it could be done, but good luck.
It’s possible that this person isn’t using quotation marks incorrectly. Maybe they think the quote wasn’t really said by George Carlin, but by “George Carlin,” some sort of impostor. That might sound crazy, but we think it’s totally “believable.”
There are all sorts of Twitter accounts falsely claiming to be famous people (even dead famous people). Maybe some of them have a great quote every now and then. You want to give them credit, and this is the best way to do it.
Not So Special
Since this Facebook user made an amusing post but then got called out, it was the best of times and it was the worst of times. Hmm…that’s a pretty good line too. Someone should use that in a book sometime.
Why won’t people just give credit where it’s due? It’s not that hard to figure out you’re lying. Just go ahead and assign credit to the person that came up with this, none other than the prolific “George Carlin.”
The Single Life
Looks like being single is boring, but dating Luke is even more boring. But don’t worry. It’s not like this was posted on social media where Luke could see it and then get very sad…oh wait, it was. Never mind.
Well, at least we’ve already established the boring single life is less boring than their current situation, so when Luke dumps them, that’s gonna be a step up… right? Or maybe we should keep our opinions to ourselves online more often.
Who could forget this memorable quote from Marilyn Monroe? It’s almost as memorable as her other quote, “Did you enjoy this video of me in Some Like It Hot? Then leave a comment, and be sure to like and subscribe!”
Schools should really start teaching courses on performing a Google search before posting anything online. And in that course, they should teach you to never trust what you see online. And maybe not post at all, depending on how well you do.
The Night Of All Nights
This person has some pretty grand plans for an 8th-grader. But we’re guessing that tonight was really the night for staying up past 11, watching a PG-13 movie, and having a second bowl of ice cream. So let’s live it up!
Go wild! This is the party that people are gonna talk about for generations! Or at least until we all realize how lame it was and move on with our lives. But hey, enjoy it while it lasts!
This might seem like an exaggeration about his birth certificate, but it’s not. In fact, “Andrew” is actually this guy’s middle name. His real first name on his birth certificate is “Whoopsie-Daisy.” It was hard convincing the doctor to go along with that.
But hey, it’s your kid, so you can name them what you want. That’s most of the joy in having a kid. Them growing up and making you proud? Nah! Goofy names are where it’s at.
Mom Knows Best
If you read this one way, it appears the mom is being very kind and supportive. If you read it another way, she’s the snarkiest mom in history. She’s like the mom equivalent of The Dress!
That’s the joy of having parents on social media: everyone you know gets to see your most embarrassing conversations play out in public. Wait, did I say “joy?” I meant “overwhelming terror that keeps us all up at night.”
Appreciating The Ugly
On the other hand, without the beauty in the world, there would be nothing ugly. Not really sure if that’s a fair trade. Maybe we should just make everything equally appealing to the eye and call it a day.
Sure, we can’t appreciate the beauty, but those of us less conventionally attractive will get to feel average for a change. That’s a fair trade. Sorry, hot people, the masses have spoken. We’re all equals now. Deal with it. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Mocking someone for their improper spelling could be considered rude by some people but only one person can answer that question for sure. That’s why we’re writing a letter about it to the expert herself, Miss Manors.
Hopefully she’ll have some advice for the rest of us. And we’ll be sure to double check our spelling, just in case mocking someone for that sort of thing is acceptable. The last thing we need is to be roasted by Miss Manors.
The best part of this isn’t the second comment, it’s the first. She tried to call out Kirk for the spelling error, but still got it wrong. Looks like someone owes LL Cool J a HUGE apology.
It’s not that bad. Apologizing to LL Cool J must be a treat. He’s always licking his lips and giving you that “come hither” look. Heck, I kind of want to insult Mr. Cool J just to have an excuse to talk to him and say “sorry.”
To be fair, this Facebook user never claimed to be educated. So this just means that this person is not turned on by
themself his or her self. (Phew, that was definitely a close one, wasn’t it?)
Why are uneducated people always so aggressive when they’re called out? It’s a mental fight or flight response. Their perceived notions of themselves are challenged, so they lash out, hoping the world is incorrect instead of them. It’s so stoopid, am I write? Dum dums.
This person had the right idea when they thanked Massachusetts for not letting them become a teacher. Sure, the thanks was sarcastic, but let’s just pretend it was sincere. Looks like the test actually did its job.
That restores faith in teachers everywhere. See? Not everyone can do it. There’s at least a low bar educators have to cross, and not everyone can pass it. Thank goodness for low standards. They’re not the best, but they’re better than nothing.
Reason For The Season
Look, it’s super easy to mix up Easter and Christmas. Easter is the one where Jesus was resurrected after being crucified. Christmas is the one where Santa Claus and a Leprechaun shoot off fireworks while eating turkey.
This is another course schools should teach. How do kids today not know that Lent is all about celebrating the time that Hulk Hogan slammed Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania 3? Kids need to learn and respect their history, I tell ya what.