20 Tweets That Prove Our Obsession With Ice Cream Is Real
Ice cream. It’s the perfect summer dessert. The cold is exactly what you need to beat the heat. Ice cream is also the perfect winter dessert. It’s cold outside, so it’s fitting that your dessert should also reflect that. And what’s the perfect dessert for spring and the fall? We don’t know why, but we know the answer is ice cream as well. There’s literally never a wrong time to eat the creamy confection. Funerals? Heck, what better way to cheer up? Ice cream makes everything better.
Whether you love chocolate, vanilla or are a freak that enjoys mustard ice cream, it comes in enough flavors that anybody from any walk of life can find a type they love. There are even non-dairy options for those poor, unfortunate, lactose-intolerant souls. How obsessed are we as a species with this frosty dessert? Well, these 20 tweets do a pretty good job encapsulating how crazy we all are for ice cream…
Who needs a real boyfriend when you have ice cream? Heck, ice cream can do all a significant other can and more.
Had a bad day at work and need something to cheer you up? Ice cream is there for you.
It’s also an excellent listener and will never interrupt. Sure, it’s a little cold at first, but if you spend enough time with it, it’ll warm up and you can just melt into its sticky, delicious embrace from there.
Ice Cream Anti-Social
You know what’s better than eating ice cream with a bunch of friends? Eating ice cream with absolutely no one.
Let’s be honest. When you’re consuming ice cream in public, you’re holding back. You don’t want to be judged by how quickly and passionately you devour it.
But in private? You can have as much as you want and eat it any way you want. Think spoons just get in the way and you prefer to scoop it with your hands? Gross… but alone, we can’t judge you for it.
“Mommy, I promise, I can’t eat another single bite or I may explode all over the kitchen.
You wouldn’t want that kind of mess on your hands, would you? The tuna salad spaghetti was delicious, but two bites is all my tiny stomach can stand.
That being said, I couldn’t help but notice the ice cream you brought home from the grocery store. While I’m too full for dinner, dessert is made of different matter and can fit in my tummy. It’s science!”
Thanks, Past Me
Of course kids will lie about how full they are during dinner so they can save more room for dessert.
Children are much smarter than we give them credit for. Meanwhile, us adults have our own dessert strategies, but they’re not nearly as clever.
We just eat all we want during dinner, then eat more during dessert. Then… we keep eating until we regret every decision we’ve ever made. Sure, Future Us won’t appreciate the cavities or extra 20 pounds, but a single bite of ice cream left in the carton? That’s much worse.
This really is a fun game, isn’t it? It teaches you patience… if you played by the rules.
The smart thing to do would be just leave it out about half an hour before we’re ready to indulge.
Wait, did we say “smart” thing? Because we obviously meant “idiotic.” We don’t plan ahead for ice cream. We get a craving and satisfy it immediately. If that ice cream is too solid in the moment, then it’s getting stabbed until it cooperates.
Yes, ice cream isn’t good for you. But when it comes to vices, this is one of the least destructive.
What’s more alarming, someone drinking alcohol alone in the morning, or having a scoop of Moose Tracks with their cereal?
You don’t see any Ice Cream Anonymous meetings, do you? If you do, it’s just people who want to have the opposite of an ice cream social where they just get it and leave. And the only chips they collect are of the chocolate variety.
Live And Learn
The child isn’t the one that needs to learn a lesson in this instance, it’s the world at large.
How are we all okay with boxes of ice cream cones showing actual ice cream on the cover when it doesn’t come with the product?
You can’t add things to the advertising that isn’t in there and makes the product look better than it actually is on its own. The Better Business Bureau is slacking as long as this is still in stores.
Grandma Get It
Remember earlier when that kid obviously lied in order to get to ice cream quicker?
Yeah, you can’t pull that kind of trick on Grandma. She’s been around the sun too many times to fall for children’s trickery.
But instead of yelling and trying to force them to eat, she offered a rewards incentive program. The more you eat, the more you eat. Stuff down that nasty liver casserole and you can wash it away with extra ice cream sandwiches. Great deal, Grammy.
You know how sometimes you realize you need to get your life in order and you swear off all the things that are bad for you?
And then the second you do something that most well-functioning members of society do, those that even only passingly know you immediately assume something is wrong?
Yeah… that’s rough. You know what would make you feel better? Yup: ice cream. Wouldn’t want the stranger at the grocery store to worry, now would you?
We dare you to find another seven words put in any order you choose that more perfectly encapsulates the human experience.
This isn’t a tweet, it’s a dang work of art and should be hung in every museum and ice cream store from here to everywhere.
And yes, while ice cream shouldn’t be the solution to cure your boredom, as a clever kid once pointed out, at least it’s not beer, so continue with the spreading of this philosophical truth, please.
That has to be what she was talking about, right? What else in Target is unmentionable?
The underwear? We’re not ashamed about talking about underwear in public. We’re not even shy about showing off every trend you could imagine.
Toys? Never too old to play with them. Toilet paper? It’s something we all do. But… that type of ice cream? Let’s please not sully the good name of this dessert. If you’re going to indulge, go all the way. Half measures are unacceptable and unmentionable.
We’ve seen examples of kids trying to get out of eating dinner and eating ice cream instead.
And the adults tasked with taking care of them have to find all sorts of tricks to make sure they don’t eat just solely ice cream for dinner.
But you know what? When we grow up, we’re in charge of ourselves and can eat ice cream for dinner every night. It’s then we learn why we were told we shouldn’t… because the adults wanted it all for themselves!
See, we told you! Our parents were holding out on us the whole time. How could they?
Sure, they may have literally brought us into the world, put a roof over our heads, fed us, clothed us and made sure we went to school so we could be educated and eventually get jobs so we don’t starve when we’re out on our own.
But they didn’t give us all the ice cream we wanted and kept it all for themselves! We knew there was something we didn’t trust about them.
Take Me With You
You see this right here? This is how parenting should always be done. Take note, moms and dads.
They see their kid not having ice cream as a household problem, not just an issue with the individual in the moment.
A house without ice cream can’t be that happy of a home, so listen to your kids. As we’ve seen, they’re pretty clever, and they know more than they let on. Also, you want ice cream too, so working together is better than working alone.
Life can be mighty stressful. When you feel like you’re being overwhelmed, it’s important to slow down and try to ground yourself.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath and think about things that will help calm you down.
Can you think of anything more hilarious and weirdly reassuring than this image? We don’t know why it makes us feel better, but it just does. There, don’t you feel less stressed already? Good… now get back to work, and don’t let us catch you slacking off again!
We mentioned how hard we need to work because nothing is free and money is hard to come by.
Ice cream is great, but it isn’t always cheap. That’s why when you find some that’s on sale, you should (pardon the incoming pun) scoop it up.
Yeah, maybe you went a little overboard and don’t have enough room in your freezer to store it so you have to eat 16 pints in one sitting. But think of all the money you saved! It’s clearly the wise, adult thing to do.
Here’s something that’s hard to remember because we’ve spent all of our life living in this artificial bubble, but it’s important to always keep in mind:
Society and its rules were made up by humans. They’re constructs, and sometimes they are unjust and need to be broken.
Perfect example: We’re not supposed to eat ice cream right out of the carton, and we especially shouldn’t walk around in public while doing it. This guy is more free than any of us, and he needs to teach us all his secrets.
We’ve always wanted to jump into a vehicle and yell, “Follow that car,” but it never winds up like it does in the movies.
Usually, the driver just tells you to get lost and they don’t want to get in the middle of whatever trouble you’re in.
But no matter how old you are, there’s always room in your heart to be excited about ice cream trucks. As kids, we couldn’t catch up to them sometimes, but as adults… we have means to get that cream.
It's All About The Journey
In most stories, the journey is fun, but it all has to culminate in a satisfying conclusion.
Our protagonist has to wind up in a better state than when we first met them. That’s the textbook definition on how to write a happy ending.
However, this tweet right here is a full story with a happy ending. The character looked to solve their problems using ice cream. Though they didn’t, they enjoyed the journey and wound up stronger through failure. Forget bittersweet; this is a sweet-sweet ending.
What have we already told you? If you’re going to indulge in ice cream, it needs to be worth it.
You’re packing on a lot of sugar and calories, which is a nightmare for your teeth, weight, complexion and a number of other bodily factors.
You know the risk, and the taste makes it worth it. And in this risk… you’re going to include raisins? No divorce lawyer on Earth can save this guy’s assets. The judge is gonna (rightfully) wipe him out for this act of negligence and cruelty.