15 Food Products Whose Names Seriously Need To Be Rethought
William Shakespeare once said that “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” However, if roses were called “doo doo plants,” odds are you wouldn’t be willing to sniff them in the first place. It may be slightly superficial, but names are important. They’re descriptive, and clue you in as to what to expect. When you hear the names Chad, Billy Bob and Becky, specific images of specific types of people pop into your brain, don’t they?
So when you’re a business owner trying to sell a product, you should take time to make sure the name of your item elicits positive thoughts and feelings. Especially when you’re selling food, since that’s something you put into your body. The following food products on this list might be delicious, but unfortunately, not many people will know because of their terrible names. Read on and see if you’d be willing to try anything with these unfortunate monikers.
100%, Not From Concentrate
The one and only positive of this name is that you know exactly what’s in it.
No need to read the ingredients on the back. It’s laid out quite clearly front and center right there on the bag.
The only reason you would buy these is as a treat for your dog. As cute as dogs are, they sure do love to eat their own vomit, don’t they? Well, now you can give that to them as a treat. So… yay?
They Make That In Flavors?
Well, that’s one way of making that substance a little more addictive, though it seems unnecessary.
Crack doesn’t need advertising to be sold, yet some ad exec out there thought, “Wait a minute… this needs some more variety!”
It’s strange the first flavor they went for is shrimp. That seems like a terrible idea. After all… it’s not kosher. You’re immediately cutting out a portion of your possible market by doing this. What next? Bacon and ham flavored crack? No mazel tov for you, sir.
You Can Still Taste The Hope In Them
You know how there’s imitation crab meat you can buy? Hopefully this is imitation child meat.
The fact that they’re calling it child meat would be bad enough, but by also letting you know that it’s shredded is even worse.
Then again, there’s no adjective you can add that would make it less unsettling. Pulled child meat? Smoked child meat? Aged child meat? Then again, depending on how long it was aged, it might not even be child meat anymore.
So... Mothballs And Too Much Perfume?
And here we have the opposite problem. Why in the world are we constricting our diet to only the elderly?
Teens and middle-aged people are probably just as delicious, yet they’re not being mashed up, pre-packaged and sold on the shelves?
That doesn’t seem very fair. This jar likely means, “Tastes Like Grandma Used To Make.” However, they ran out of room on the label and thought, “Eh, they’ll know what we mean.” We do… but do we? Would you be willing to risk it?
Mmm, Tastes Like Chernobyl
Some candy maker must have heard someone say they thought black licorice was the worst flavor.
They then laughed and announced, “Hold my beer” and got to work. Nuclear as a flavor would taste like burning and ash.
So, in a sense, this would be “scorched black” licorice, which is definitely a worse flavor than ordinary old black licorice. Call me old-fashioned, but I’ll stick with cherry and strawberry, thank you. They taste great, and won’t lead to a disaster.
Gender is Fluid?
Okay, we get that this is sausage. But the descriptor for it is totally confusing. Is it sausage sold only to gay men? Or is it that the sausage is gay? So confusing.
We’re only human. And this couldn’t have been an accident. Maybe some advertiser thought that they needed something to get our attention, and this certainly succeeded in doing that. However, I’m not sure I’m willing to try this… mostly because this also isn’t kosher.
Really, Really Lost In Translation
Sometimes you just have to look for the silver lining on a silver can like this.
Sure, this seems disgusting and something no one should ever put in there body under any circumstances, but there is a bright side.
At least this is definitely kosher. And who knows, maybe it’s delicious? Maybe this is a taste sensation the likes of which none of us have ever experienced? Maybe we are the ones missing out by not trying it?
We Bet It Tastes Like Mountain Dew
Look, obviously the fact they’re selling a carbonated urine beverage is reason enough to be alarmed.
But there are many other problems to be found here. First and foremost… why is it that color? That seems mighty dark, doesn’t it?
Listen, let’s use this opportunity to make a public service announcement. If your urine is this color, it means you’re dangerously dehydrated. Take a moment to get some liquids in your body. Preferably not Pee Cola, though I probably don’t have to warn you of that.
Perhaps this beer is supposed to be pronounced “Ver-Jean-a” but nobody who sees it will think so.
You’re pronouncing it in your head like a hillbilly describing a lady’s nether quarters, aren’t you? This is why you need to test not only the taste, but the name.
This might sell well, though. Guys have a tendency of being pretty insecure in their sexuality and masculinity. You offer them a Christmas Homo Sausage, and they’ll chug six Verginas to let you know where they stand.
Cause they are dumb dumbs.
Sweet And Sticky
Well, that’s certainly an interesting (and of course, unfortunate) way of spelling “mango,” isn’t it?
This one is just a hilarious blunder. The item is clearly a mango, and most people know what a mango is supposed to be.
So this sticker isn’t going to confuse or scare off too many folks away from the fruit. However, a serious talk needs to be had with the people responsible for printing this sticker. It appears their spell check might be malfunctioning a bit.
Stick It In
Ummm… is this another mistake? Is that how the name of this product is supposed to be spelled?
Maybe the spelling is correct, but we’re not pronouncing it like we’re supposed to. Is this “Kem-en?” Is that the right way?
Look, again, name test your product. The fact we’re so confused is not a good sign. Also, the fact they label it as “fresh” is even more off-putting. Why are there so many foods accidentally named after body parts and fluids?
Welp, this is definitely not an accident. You can’t convince me that this was done unintentionally.
Who is this even meant to appeal to? 13-year-old boys would find this hilarious and hang it up in their rooms as a joke.
But is that what you want from your product? Just call it “Alfredo sauce,” you perverts. The worst part about this? I find it absolutely hilarious and want to buy it, which means the advertising is working, and I’m still a 13-year-old boy at heart..and mind.
This packaging should absolutely have a disclaimer on it. And not about the contents of the food, either.
Sure, if you are allergic to nuts or have a gluten intolerance or are on a vegan diet, they should give you a heads up.
But more importantly, they should have a PSA about their name. Specifically, they should inform all customers that this is meant as a noun, not a verb. It definitely changes the connotation for how you think of it when being said aloud.
That's A Salty Broth
Look, we’re not here to shame anyone for the choices they make in their private lives.
We all have one life to lead, and you should have as much responsible, adult fun you can get up to.
But why is this soup exclusively for those folks? What about those of us who have a hard time sealing the deal but want a nice soup when we have a cold? Are we not allowed to indulge? That just seems cruel and unfair.
Of all the confusing (and disturbing) food name choices we’ve seen thus far, this one might be the most perplexing.
Is this a food, is this an art or is it both? Are you supposed to eat art?
Well, art by definition is anything that elicits an emotion, and this certainly succeeds in doing that since we’re all feeling a certain kind of way right now. And wieners are food (lol), so… maybe it can be both. What a brave new world we’re all living in.