Maybe they thought that the mushrooms were a perk? They are nutritious and delicious and if you are lucky, they may make you hallucinate. Sounds like a bonus to me. Eat them, turn the lights down, put on some Jimi Hendrix and let it ride!
In this apartment you can catch a breeze anywhere you stand! When it's hot outside, they've got you covered. And if it's freezing outside, I don't really know what to tell you. You can't have it all I guess.
Come on! A squirrel in the walls is not that bad. It's like having a friend. But a friend that won't leave whether you want company or not. They are always there, they will never leave you alone and they are always listening.
How lucky are you that your new apartment comes with pets! Many of them. Creeping and crawling and infesting all of your things. Hiding in your shoes and under the sink and for no extra cost! You lucky duck!
You have a poo explosion and an ant infestation and you are complaining about your broken cabinets? Those are the least of your problems. And you're paying $1,500 a month for all this?! I think it's time to move back in with your parents.
You are lucky that the whole place didn't burn to the ground. I think it's time to move, honey. Like now. Yea, right now. Before your stuff catches fire or you wind up in jail for a crime you didn't commit.
Here is a Christmas present for you! We are going to break your lock, lock you out and then disappear for a week for the holidays. We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Welcome to the building.
Oh damn, you just missed it. That apartment that you already paid $1,700 for was just here a minute ago. Where did it go?? It seems to have been misplaced. We will call you right away if we run into it again. Thank you for your patience.
Don't even think about trying to improve the place! The place comes as is and any paint jobs, cleaning, caulking and any home improvements is strictly prohibited. Please live in filth how you found it. Love, The Management.