How's your day going? Are you sitting at your perfectly-ordered desk, getting ready a for well-organized day? Great!
NOW LOOK AT THIS PICTURE AND FEEL RAGE!
Yes! Yes! Feel the anger swelling up inside you! There is whipped cream on that key board, and you are helpless to fix it! THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
Look at this manhole cover. Smiling at you. Taunting you. Challenging you. You can never fix it. It's flaw is captured in this picture for eternity.
ALL PIZZA IS NOW RUINED FOR YOU.
By getting you to look at this picture, I have destroyed your favorite food. You could just turn off the computer before more damage is done.
But you won't.
I RELISH YOUR SWEET PAIN! I RELISH YOUR SWEET PAIN!
Yes, for the wordplay to be perfect, "sweet" should have come before "relish." But guess what?
I DID THAT ON PURPOSE.
Kit Kats are supposed to be broken off and eaten individually. This person doesn't care about the natural order of things. AND HE'S NOT EVEN THE WORST PERPETRATOR.
THIS PERSON JUST WANTS TO WATCH THE WORLD BURN.
And guess what? He's going to get away with it. And he's going to do it again.
THESE PUPPIES DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR NEEDS.
Let the anger overwhelm you. KICK THE PUPPIES.
Oh wait, you can't. Because they are in a picture and you are weak and impotent.
Hours of work went into making that delicious meat pie. And now someone will to have to eat it with a food-encrusted knife. Try not to think about ketchup, gravy, and pea juice covering your palm as you enjoy your next meal.
That Hubba Bubba is going to turn into an inefficient, sticky mess. And everyone is okay with it. Except you.
You will never be okay. Not anymore.
The bathroom was your safe place. The place where you could truly be alone and free. And now that is ruined for you too. There is no safe spaces left. Only darkness.
Does your office's corners look like this? There is only one way to find out. GET UP FROM YOUR DESK AND CHECK EVERY CORNER IN THE OFFICE. BE THOROUGH. TAKE ALL THE TIME.
You used to love Fig Newtons.
Now, you only love the void.
Punch a stranger. Do it.
That looks like Patty from HR's hand. She is doing this on purpose. She knows the correct way to cut this cake, but she wants to hurt you.
END THE MADNESS. THROW YOUR STAPLER AT PATTY.
Okay, admit it, this last one is kinda hot. I don't know why it is hot, and neither do you. It just is.
Find sanctuary in the sexy processed meats.