This just in, coughing is bad; it's a great warning that you are not feeling well. If you are coughing and things are coming up, that is worse. If you are coughing up things, and those things are green, that is really not good. If they are red, that is terrible. If they are black, go to a doctor. If they are transparent and shiny, that is the worst, because you probably just ate some glitter. Who even does that?
Well, no. It's not good. The act of coughing is good, because it means that your body knows something is wrong and has decided that coughing is a good solution to the problem. Coughing is your body trying to clear your airway. But, it does means that something is wrong with your airway. And that's bad because air is good. Many factors can create a cough, however, so let's try to sort them out.
Let's start with a bad one. Pneumonia generally means that you have a dry cough which turns wet with time. If you have pneumonia, then your mucus is probably green or reddish in hue. Ew. Ewww. You might also have a fever, as well as some pain that accompanies breathing or coughing. If breathing creates pain, go to a doctor. This is a good rule for life.
Pneumonia comes in two varieties: viral and bacterial. Your doctor can tell by using a stethoscope, which is the most classic doctor move of all time. I'm glad to hear it actually works. You might need some blood tests too. If you have bacterial pneumonia, you'll be prescribed some antibiotics. If you have viral pneumonia, well then, you're screwed. There isn't medication for that. So, drink some chicken soup and go to sleep.
If your cough is because of a postnasal drip, it can be either wet or dry. This cough happens because mucus is dripping down your throat and tickling nerve endings, a sensation that is the result of a cold, allergies or that ticklish feather you tried to eat. If you have a postnasal drip, then it likely gets worse at night. You might also have some itchy eyes and unwanted sneezes if you're coughing from allergies.
If you have allergies, buy some allergy medication. I heard that Claritin is good because I’ve seen their commercials before. The commercials use a cool effect that blurs the background before the actors take Claritin, but afterwards, the background becomes clear! Wow! Seems like a good medication, right? But if your postnasal drip is from a common cold, then try a salt water wash and steaming (take a hot shower.). If the coughing persists, then see a freaking doctor. Jeez.
If you have asthma, then you're probably experiencing a dry cough coupled with spasms. Asthma means that your airways are inflamed, which makes breathing difficult. Breathing should never be difficult unless you're underwater. You might have asthma if your cough gets worse while exercising.
First, I want to address this picture. Apparently eating carrots is good for your asthma. Who knew? Honestly, probably rabbits. Those 'lil guys run everywhere. ANYWAY, if you have asthma, there are two primary treatments, and they both involve drugs. Mmm, drugs. Fast-acting drugs, usually placed in inhalers, make breathing easier immediately. Daily drugs, on the other hand, attempt to keep throat inflammation at a reasonable level all the time.
Whoop whoop! Nope. Whooping cough is quite bad, characterized by a hacking cough and a "whoop"-ing noise upon inhaling. If you have a whooping cough, then you might have common flu symptoms as well, such as a stuffy nose, fever, and watery eyes. Sometimes the hacking cough is so intense that you might puke.
This cough is a bad one. Go to a doctor early if signs point to the whoop. Treatment involves blood tests, x-rays, and a boatload of antibiotics. Why would they name it the whooping cough if it doesn't make you "whoop"? They should name it the "eff this" cough because that's what you'll be saying.
GERD stands for gastroesophageal relux disease. If you have GERD, then like asthma, your cough is probably dry and spasmodic. This cough happens because stomach acid is entering the esophagus, so if you have GERD then your cough will get worse when you lie down or eat. Symptoms might resemble heartburn.
Treatment for GERD usually means x-raying your gastrointestinal tract, which usually means having a tube rammed down your throat. Well, honestly, if your doctor is ramming the tube, then he or she is a quack. When you visit the doctor, nothing should be rammed anywhere. Ever. Either way, the solution to this cough is usually prescription-strength antacids.
More acronyms? Omfg! Lol! Stfu! COPD stands for chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, which is a big long medical word that sounds scary. If you have COPD, then you probably have a hacking cough that's also producing a lot of mucus. As they say, the more mucus, the better! No one says that. Go to a doctor.
The main cause of COPD is smoking, so cut that crap out. I know smoking looks cool. You know what else looks cool? Lighting yourself on fire and jumping off a building. But, you're not doing that five times per day, are you? No. Exactly. Other treatments for COPD include inhaling steroids and oxygen treatment, and you don't want to do those options because I've heard that steroids make your testicles tiny, and oxygen treatment sounds painful for some reason. Also, wouldn't COP'D be a great slang term for being arrested? "What happened to Timmy last night?" "Oh man, he was smoking crack in front of city hall and he got COP'D." LOL!
Isn't this GIF disgusting? I don't like it to be honest, but I had some perverse desire to make you look at it. Moving on, our last slide is about medication-related coughing because the solution is simple. If you recently started taking medication (most likely blood-pressure medication), and now you're coughing, the problem is probably your new drugs. Tell your doctor! Hopefully there's another medication with less serious side effects. If not, bummer. Cheers!