Mark Twain Sarcastic Quotes

“I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

“Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.”

“Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.”

“Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.”

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

“I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.”

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

“If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.”