Sarcasm: Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. - Napoleon Bonaparte - Sarcastic Quotes
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Sarcastic Quotes

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.

- Unknown

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

- Mark Twain

They worship the ground that he walks away from.

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I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

- Chandler Bing

That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.

- Homer Simpson

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

- John Cleese

What have you been reading, the Gospel According to St. Bastard?

- Eddie Izzard

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

- Seinfeld

A penny saved is a penny you didn't put in the 'Take a penny, leave a penny' tray, you cheap bastard!

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Absence makes the heart want to fondle other people.

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If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.

- Mark Twain

To err is human. To forgive for no good reason is plain stupid.

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It's never too late to go wrong.

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I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.

- Jules Renard

Everyone knows best; even though everyone knows very little.

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The problem with common sense is that most people are morons.

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If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

- Carl Sagan

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

- Unknown

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

- Unknown

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

- Unknown

For your information, I would like to ask a question.

- Samuel Goldwyn

The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.

- David Ogilvy

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Sarcastic Haikus

Once in a while I'll get a sarcastic haiku from visitors. They are all finely crafted and can be from a haiku master for all I know. Some of them are so sarcastic that I'm not even sure if they are actually sarcastic or if my mind is just playing tricks on me. Regardless, without any further ado, here are the sarcastic haikus

Things that Peeve My Pet

It makes no sense to say "I could care less"! That statement means that it is possible for you to care less, meaning that you at least care a little. What you really mean to say is, "I couldn't care less". I'm sure it is crystal clear to you now, but you could care less about what I have to say.

  • More Pet Peeves