“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
- Mark Twain
“I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
- Chandler Bing
“That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.”
- Homer Simpson
“I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.”
- John Cleese
“What have you been reading, the Gospel According to St. Bastard?”
- Eddie Izzard
“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”
- Seinfeld
“A penny saved is a penny you didn't put in the 'Take a penny, leave a penny' tray, you cheap bastard!”
- Sarcasm Society
“If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.”
- Mark Twain
“To err is human. To forgive for no good reason is plain stupid.”
- Sarcasm Society
“I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.”
- Jules Renard
“Everyone knows best; even though everyone knows very little.”
- Sarcasm Society
“The problem with common sense is that most people are morons.”
- Sarcasm Society
“If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.”
- Carl Sagan
“Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!”
- Unknown
“Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.”
- Unknown
“100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?”
- Unknown
“For your information, I would like to ask a question.”
- Samuel Goldwyn
“The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.”
- David Ogilvy
“You can be whatever you want; however, in your case you should probably aim low.”
- Sarcasm Society
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