Sarcasm: Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. - Anonymous - Sarcastic Quotes
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Sarcastic Quotes

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in memory as the wish to forget it.

- Montaigne

The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually beomes a cat.

- Ogden Nash

I wish we were better strangers.

- Unknown

I'll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.

- Unknown

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

- Woody Allen

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

- Woody Allen

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

- Ludwig Wittgenstein

Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions.

- Frank Lloyd Wright

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

- Vince Lombardi

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

- Gore Vidal

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

- Goethe

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

- Drew Carey

Stay with me; I want to be alone

- Joey Adams

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

- Steven Wright

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.

- Emo Philips

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

- Emo Philips

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

- Chandler Bing

If at first you don't succeed, try something easier.

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He never slows down to think; it's too painful to spend times with his own thoughts.

- Sarcasm Society

It's never too late to go wrong.

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The problem with common sense is that most people are morons.

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One of the lessons of history is that Nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

- Will Durant

It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor

- John Cleese

Personal experience makes a believer out of anyone; that explains the hordes of evolution deniers.

- Sarcasm Society

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

- Drew Carey

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Sarcastic Haikus

Once in a while I'll get a sarcastic haiku from visitors. They are all finely crafted and can be from a haiku master for all I know. Some of them are so sarcastic that I'm not even sure if they are actually sarcastic or if my mind is just playing tricks on me. Regardless, without any further ado, here are the sarcastic haikus

Things that Peeve My Pet

It makes no sense to say "I could care less"! That statement means that it is possible for you to care less, meaning that you at least care a little. What you really mean to say is, "I couldn't care less". I'm sure it is crystal clear to you now, but you could care less about what I have to say.

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  • Sarcastic TV Shows

    If you can really appreciate sarcasm, and just grin from ear-to-ear when a good sarcastic 'zing' is uttered, then the following TV shows are indispensable.

  • House FOX
  • The Daily Show Comedy Central
  • The Colbert Report Comedy Central