“Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.”
- Mark Twain
“Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.”
- Mark Twain
“Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.”
- Mark Twain
“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
- Mark Twain
“I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.”
- Mark Twain
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
- Clarence Darrow
“If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?”
- Charles Pierce
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
- William Faulkner
“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”
- Ernest Hemingway
“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”
- Abraham Lincoln
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
- Irvin S. Cobb
“The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.”
- Dave Barry
“Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.”
- Ambrose Bierce
“Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victems he intends to eat until he eats them.”
- Samuel Butler
“I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't like?”
- Jean Cocteau
“The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights.”
- J. Paul Getty
“When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.”
- Eric Hoffer
“A good listener is usually thinking about something else.”
- Kin Hubbard
“Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.”
- Oscar Levant
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