Sarcasm: Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. - Anonymous - Sarcastic Quotes
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Sarcastic Quotes

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

- Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.

- Mark Twain

Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.

- Mark Twain

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

- Mark Twain

I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.

- Mark Twain

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.

- Clarence Darrow

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

- Charles Pierce

You have delighted us long enough.

- Jane Austen

A modest little person, with much to be modest about.

- Winston Churchill

He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.

- William Faulkner

Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?

- Ernest Hemingway

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

- Abraham Lincoln

He is a self-made man and worships his creator.

- Irvin S. Cobb

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.

- Forrest Tucker

He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

- Billy Wilder

The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.

- Dave Barry

It is not necesssary to understand things in order to argue about them.

- Caron de Beaumarchais

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

- Ambrose Bierce

Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.

- Ambrose Bierce

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victems he intends to eat until he eats them.

- Samuel Butler

I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't like?

- Jean Cocteau

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights.

- J. Paul Getty

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

- Eric Hoffer

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

- Kin Hubbard

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

- Oscar Levant

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Sarcastic Haikus

Once in a while I'll get a sarcastic haiku from visitors. They are all finely crafted and can be from a haiku master for all I know. Some of them are so sarcastic that I'm not even sure if they are actually sarcastic or if my mind is just playing tricks on me. Regardless, without any further ado, here are the sarcastic haikus

Things that Peeve My Pet

It makes no sense to say "I could care less"! That statement means that it is possible for you to care less, meaning that you at least care a little. What you really mean to say is, "I couldn't care less". I'm sure it is crystal clear to you now, but you could care less about what I have to say.

  • More Pet Peeves