Sarcasm: Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. - Napoleon Bonaparte - Sarcastic Quotes
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Sarcastic Quotes

Here is a collection of the best sarcastic quotes you'll find anywhere. As the list has grown longer, I realized that not all good quotes have to be sarcastic, so I've added a page of just simply funny quotes. Hopefully you'll enjoy these as much as the sarcastic quotes.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

- Ashleigh Brilliant

It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.

- Paul Newman

It's a catastrophic success.

- Stephen Bishop

I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.

- Stephen Bishop

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

- Abba Eban

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

- Groucho Marx

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.

- Groucho Marx

A man is as young as the woman he feels.

- Groucho Marx

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

- Groucho Marx

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

- Groucho Marx

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

- Groucho Marx

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

- Groucho Marx

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

- Groucho Marx

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

- Groucho Marx

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

- Groucho Marx

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

- Groucho Marx

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

- Frank Zappa

The 100% American is 99% idiot.

- George Bernard Shaw

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

- George Bernard Shaw

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

- Oscar Wilde

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

- Oscar Wilde

I am not young enough to know everything.

- Oscar Wilde

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.

- Oscar Wilde

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

- Victor Borge

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

- Mark Twain

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Sarcastic Haikus

Once in a while I'll get a sarcastic haiku from visitors. They are all finely crafted and can be from a haiku master for all I know. Some of them are so sarcastic that I'm not even sure if they are actually sarcastic or if my mind is just playing tricks on me. Regardless, without any further ado, here are the sarcastic haikus

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It makes no sense to say "I could care less"! That statement means that it is possible for you to care less, meaning that you at least care a little. What you really mean to say is, "I couldn't care less". I'm sure it is crystal clear to you now, but you could care less about what I have to say.

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