We all know the comment section on a controversial Facebook post are better than a Dan Brown novel. I could park myself in the comment section with a bowl of popcorn for a few hours. This lady must not have a smart phone, so she improvised.
Some girls come home and undo their ponytail and bra and feel instant relief. I need to unleash a barrage of curses and maybe take a couple swings at my punching bag. This is immediately followed by an enormous glass of wine.
“I vow to keep all the fire hydrants in this town marked with my urine. I promise to instate a no-barking past 11 p.m. ordinance. Most of all, I promise to be the best good-boy mayor in the whole world.”
You know when darkness isn’t even your friend, you’re in this alone. This guy’s little brother is certainly going through his teenage angst phase. Trust me, little man. You won’t want so many friends when you get older.
The difference a day makes. All you girls out there know that the second it turned October 1st you bought your Halloween costumes, and watched Practical Magic and Hocus Pocus on replay. Oh, and pumpkin-spice-flavored everything.
If you unfortunately find yourself with someone from the center circle, I really hope you aren’t on a high-up floor. That’s because you may be very tempted to jump out the window. There’s only so much “woke-ness” you can handle before wanting to be asleep forever.
My laptop would fall in and I’d get electrocuted. I wouldn’t be found for weeks because I have zero friends. Oh, and my cat would probably eat me. All of this cause I tried to create a romantic evening.
I wish my mom still had complete control of my social life. I’m sure I’d have better friends and maybe even find a boyfriend. There would be lots of people I’d like to blow off and have my mom take the fall for it.