When he agreed to participate in his own Comedy Central Roast back in 2011, producers of the show asked Donald Trump (pictured here on his custom, mid-afternoon bidet) if any topic was off-limits. Of all the things in his colorful (mostly orange) life, there was only one topic he forbid anyone to make fun of. So what was it?
"Donald, I'm not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer." - Anthony Jeselnik
"Donald Trump is not only one of my oldest and dearest friends, he is an American success story. When he graduated college, he put his shoulder to the wheel, nose to the grindstone... borrowed $6 million from his father, and started a career. Donald Trump, without a doubt, you're a New York landmark. Which means it will only be a matter of time before you bulldoze yourself and put up some gaudy, tacky monstrosity, and put your name on it." - Larry King
Damn, Larry King is savage AF. If this surprises you, you obviously haven't spent enough time around senior citizens in suspenders. They just DGAF.
"I've heard word that Donald Trump has done so much damage to the New York skyline, that instead of calling him the Donald, they should call him the 20th hijacker." - Gilbert Gottfried, speaking on behalf of Marlee Matlin
Back in 2011, that was infinitely more believable than one day calling him president.
In a 2013 interview with Joan Rivers in a bed (RIP you lusty legend), Anthony Jeselnik revealed, "Donald Trump’s rule was, 'Don’t say I have less money than I say I do. Make fun of my kids, do whatever you want, just don’t say I don’t have that much money.'"