Come on, who actually puts their hand on a public toilet flusher? No one, that's who. So if you think you invented this...ya didn't. You should at least know that everyone else in the world is flushing with their foot and crap residue is probably on the bottom of everyone’s feet. I’ll also try to avoid opening the door to the restroom with my hands.
Much like eating a Kit-Kat, pouring syrup on waffles is a delicate art. You must first fill one square, and let the overflow pour into the other as determinedly move across the entire surface of the waffle. Each nook and cranny of that golden beauty will be saturated with syrup before you’re through.
I just don’t get people who can bite directly into Oreos and Kit-Kats. What’s the rush? Savor the sensual chocolate moment, as you undress your Kit-Kat layer by layer. Trust me, it’s much more satisfying that way.
There are two types of people in this world. There are the types of people who can let hundreds of emails pile up in their inbox, and there are those that would be driven into the throes of madness if their inbox goes uncleared after five unread emails. What type of person are you?
You probably only wear about 20 percent of your clothes, right? But you can’t help to feel bad for the rest of the 80 percent. So, out of pity you will wear that spur-of-the-moment questionable outfit you bought three years ago.
You know when you order ice cream, you’ll have a couple bites and then turn it into mush? You’ll start swirling around your spoon, and then it will morph into soft serve (which is the best). But, you need it turned into a soup, because who doesn’t like drinking ice cream?
You’ll start to sweat as you feel the person behind you breathing down your neck. Then you become so frazzled that you drop all your loose change as you try to fold the bills in the pocket. You then apologize profusely and run out of the store.
This is the face you make when you pass by someone you kind of know. It’s the face you make at the cashier at the grocery store. Hell, you’ll make this face at a cat caller if he catches you off guard.
Oh, this is the worst because as you’re halfway up the stairs you are 80 percent sure that a ghost is going to wrap itself around you and pull you into the abyss. Once in the abyss, it will probably suck out your essence. But, I will literally run for cover as soon as I turn the light off in any room.
There is just something so delectably satisfying about sliding four perfect noodles onto your fork. You then of course fit another row of four and shove it in your mouth. But then you just do this once or twice before just devouring the entire bowl.
I mostly go back and think about what I should have said in arguments, some of these arguments could have taken place several years ago.I’m not proud of it, and usually the reminiscing will lead to crying in the shower.
I don’t know how our parents functioned back in the day with a cord phone? Is it actually called a cord phone, or just phone? Because all I’ve known my whole life is cordless. They must have got seriously tangled up.
“Mauricio, you really need to do something about the lighting situation in here.” Seriously, this happens every time I get my hair done. I also then pretend that I love my haircut when in fact, I am already scrutinizing everything about it.
I know everyone else does this, but I am with the rare few who don’t. If you leave all the marshmallows, it’s just so repulsively sweet that I can just feel the enamel on my teeth sizzling off. No thanks, do you know how expensive dental surgery is?