Hey guys! You should know that in the beginning of a relationship, everything you say lives inside of us forever. We think about the 5 million other things you could have meant. We think about it, obsess over it, twist it around and find a beginning, middle and end. You thought that you just said, "huh?" but you actually said so much more than that.
When we are in a new relationship, all we can think about is how you are going to leave us for something shinier and newer. Someone hotter or smarter. Someone who cooks and rides a motorcycle and sings in a band. A sex goddess! And, while in reality there is no one better than us, it's really exhausting.
Sure, guys love to hit on her, but those guys are bros and you know that she would never go for it. Women are ruthless and every time one of them stares you down, she is riddled with panic. YOU BETTER LOOK THE OTHER WAY IF YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU.
We will pretend like we love hanging out with your friends, but we don't. Sure have them over, babe! We will act like the coolest girlfriend in the world. We will cook for everyone and make sure everyone has a beer in their hand, but deep down we will think it's really, really annoying.
When can we stop worrying about accidentally farting in the middle of the night? Can we fast forward until then? This whole, pretending to be perfect thing is exhausting. And don't even get me started on the subject of pooping. We can save that for another day.
When in a new relationship, girls like to look their best. Our makeup needs to look fresh. Our outfits need to be cute but sexy. We always need our underwear to be on point. Guys just roll out of bed and go. WTF.
If men even knew the great lengths we go through to get rid of body hair. The waxing, plucking, threading and lasering is overwhelming. It's painful, expensive and ridiculous. When can we all make a pact to just let it grow?
Hey gentlemen! Every month we have to deal with our periods. We try not to involve you when we don't have to, but when you want to go to the beach and we have our period it sucks. Vacations at that time of the month makes us really sad. We feel horrible and bloated and emotional and on top of that, you want a blow job. Dude, if you even knew.
You may not mean anything by having sex with us and then needing to leave. We look way into it. Then we spiral into a, "is this just sex to you" spiral and you aren't even aware that you did anything wrong.
We obsess over what you feel about us and read into every little thing. If we are never included in your plans with friends, we can't help but ask ourselves why. We will definitely assume you just aren't that into us. When we meet your family it's like life or death so make sure you proceed with caution.
We are independent, strong women, but you make us weak. It's really hard for us to feel vulnerable and open ourselves up to something new. Please be nice to us in the beginning. We are strong but fragile and we need you to take care of our hearts.