Kids today are just like kids from previous generations, except not at all. Sure, they also have My Little Pony. But it's so much... extra. Everything is louder, brighter and quicker for this strange new generation.
Remember when you were a kid and you had a favorite Disney character? You'd wear them on your shirt or backpack. Kids today try to become them. The line between reality and fiction is blurring, people.
Perhaps the weirdest thing about today's kids is how much they understand technology. They're grabbing for the phone before they even know how to say "Momma" or "Dadda." It's had an effect on them, as you'll soon see.
You know a big problem on Snapchat? It's overrun with kids. This used to be an app where you'd send dirty pics back and forth between your hook-ups. Now, it's a playground. Best move on to the next app, but these kid techno-whizzes will likely beat you to it.
Kids even have their own YouTube channels now. You tell them "Being a YouTube star" isn't a career for when they grow up. Then they tell you about ad revenue and distribution models and you soon realize you might want to use their college fund to go back to school yourself.
Here's something to be jealous of for today's kids: they get way more cool female heroes to look up to growing up. Wonder Woman was a box office smash, and Captain Marvel is gonna rule. It's nice these kids have more variety than Pluto Nash.
You know what's worse than kids who know it all? Kids who know they know it all and won't put up with your nonsense. Time was, you could use your parental authority to keep them in line. Now they know better and won't take guff from nobody.
Speaking of dance crazes I just don't get, we have dabbing. Remember breakdancing? You used to need to practice for hours to make sure you didn't hurt yourself but could still impress your friends. Now you pretend you're sneezing and it becomes a viral sensation. Aliens, man. These kids today are aliens.