Admit it: You've done at least half of these things.
1. The Original
This is the face that sparked a thousand memes — overly attached girlfriend memes, that is. She went viral after she posted a spoof on Justin Bieber’s “Boyfriend,” which you can watch in the video above. Her version was from the perspective of a crazy girlfriend.
Just a sample from the lyrics:
“If I was your girlfriend/ I’d never let you leave/ without a small recording device/ taped under your sleeve.”
“Roger, why can’t you do something nice for me for once? You can’t even take me to the movies? I’ve got to watch this romantic comedy from your living room while you sit spread eagle scratching your balls. I hate you Roger,” said this feisty feline.
You better text her at work. You better text her if you’re out with your mom. You could be at your grandmother’s funeral and she would still expect you to text her. You could be flying across the Atlantic and your phone is on airplane mode, and she would still expect a text.
Initially, that might seem like a good idea. But then what happens if he is actually convicted and goes to prison? With a delicate face like John Legend’s, he’s bound to be at the receiving end of some unwanted advances.
This is like a high-profile court case. She’s up there like :“Here, we have exhibit A. The accused was caught red-handed liking her picture on Instagram. Ladies and gentleman of the court, this is an open and shut case. I push for the death penalty.”
Women have a sixth sense when it comes to their men. We see you when you’re sleeping. We know when you’re awake…and we know when you’re lurking on other female’s Instagram pages. So, cut the s**t for goodness’ sake.
Women like to remind their men that they can go all Lorena Bobbitt on their junk at any second. If you are particularly attached to your penis, which I’m assuming you are, you should behave yourself...or stay single.
I’m a little guilty of this one. I’ve had dreams where boyfriends have cheated on me, and I wake up super grouchy at them, and usually don’t calm down until they feed me breakfast. On the other hand, I feel absolutely zero guilt about having a sexy dream about someone else. S**t, I do that when I’m awake.
“It was the best of times…until Roger f*cked up, and then it was the worst of times,” reads the opening line. On second thought, this book isn’t big enough to just be the first part. This must just be the preface.