Has your sex drive dropped into first gear? Has that tingle in your and your partner's respective dingle-zones zeroed out? Looking to get it back? Spice things up with these inventive and quite possibly injurious positions.
OK, so in this position a man erects — get it? — the London Bridge with his back, has to point his hands towards his ankles, and really shoot that penis up there like a crane building the city's infrastructure. Then the female straddles the bridge like it was a Fisher Price set and tests it for physical integrity.
Now, if agriculture is your thing, you might consider this move. The lady can get down on her hands, and kick her feet towards the man (watch those feet, though!). She'll wrap her legs around his upper thigh, while he takes hold of the fleshy wheelbarrow and push that thing all the way to market.
Dude's got to get into a quarter squat with his knees bent. This one's kind of like dancing, replacing all the sexual implications with actualsex. The female will take a seat on the man's pubic region, hands around his upper body as if she were leading him in a foxtrot. And step one-two....
OK, yogis, this one's for you. Female's gonna want to get into a downward dog type position, as the male attempts a handstand with his torso facing towards the woman, hands under her body on the floor, legs reaching for the sky. Now, once you're there, give yourself a round of applause, because that ain't easy. Then, if you're adept, the female can thrust back and forth into the male's antenna, and the male can cartwheel his legs in the air to provide the jam to this sandwich.
In this position, dude gets on his back on the bed, car hood, or Doctor's office (or wherever, really), and wraps his feet around the female's midsection. To get leverage, our girl can get on her tippy-toes, and hold onto our his hands for support. She can also continue working on her laptop in this position.
This is going to take some back and arm strength from our dude, and some inner-thigh and core strength from our lady. Dude stands tall like Michelangelo's David or like Amazon's Alexa on a kitchen table, as the female wraps her legs around his upper torso. While she thrusts her torso up like she's performing ab crunches (which isn't a bad adjustment) the dude will tilt back and down to increase thrust.
Female in this position gets into a kind of suspended fetal position — not implying that she'll get pregnant, though she might — and the dude gets into a low squat with his dingaling you-know-where. Then the dude can cup the breast (optional) and together proceed with the coitus. This position is especially fart-inducing, so you can keep those sphincters tight if you're in conservative company, or let 'er rip if you ain't.
Now, it might look like the male is falling in this one, and he just might if he can't bend his back past a five-degree angle. Female sits long-legged over the man's prone body, and as she goes up, he slowly lowers his body down. It's that simple?
This one is a sweet and easy pose that can quickly turn powerful and physically demanding if you want it to. This time female is on her back on the bed, McDonald's cafeteria, Barnes & Noble, wherever, with her crooked legs up in the air, feet for the sky. Dude comes along with a straight body and, like blacksmiths of yore, gets to work.
We'll preface this pose by saying: don't do this pose. But if you do (and you really shouldn't) it goes like this. First, cling to each other for dear life. Then, invert yourselves — also for dear life. Enter and receive, and then, 1, 2, 3 SPIN!
Now, pleasure isn't the only benefit to the sexual experience (but hopefully it's one of them). You can also burn some serious calories doing it. In the average coital session, men burn about 100 calories and women 69. Think of that, 69 calories in only 63 seconds!
OK, so you've just had sex. That's so cool! Good for you! How'd it go? Anyway, if you're a woman, there are a few things you might consider doing after bangerang: wipe down with a clean cloth, drink some water, soak in the tub...
Guys, you just keep being awkward. You're so good at it.